1) Mimi. I don't remember your last name, sorry, but I'm pretty sure you were born around 1970 and you briefly dated a guy named Mike (me!) in the beginning of your freshman year of high school. This was shortly before you dated a guy named Kevin (coincidentally, Mike's best friend). I just want you to know why I was such a crappy kisser. You were the first girl I ever kissed on the lips! Anyway, you totally screwed up because I'm a complete hunk now, just ripped with muscles up and down my...uh...muscley bod. Also, I'm totally not a computer programmer. Very muscley. Hah!
2) Hey there Angelina Jolie! Hi! I want you to know that this
3) George Walker Bush. What is wrong with you? You're all uptight about things that shouldn't bother you (e.g. Gay Marriage) and completely unconcerned about other major issues (e.g. that teeny weeny deficit of ours). Did the Silver Fox drop you on your head as a baby? No offense.
4) Larry Page and Sergey Brin. Hire me! I have a lot of very good ideas about computer things (Mimi, I'm kidding. I don't do computers (Larry and Sergey, ignore that!)). Also, I will totally give your company a plug on my blog if you hire me.
Ok, Angelina, Mimi, George, Larry, and Sergey! I've done my part here. Meet me half way!