Monday, February 18, 2008

Dear Daisy,

If you're reading this, it must mean that I'm dead. Spooooooky! Boo!

Or maybe it just means that you found my blog. I suppose that's probably the most likely theory. You found my blog and clicked on the "Daughter, click here first!" link. (It can't hurt to go check on me right now though, just to make sure that I'm not dead. Thanks, babe!)

So, allow me to explain what we have here.

As I write this you're eight and a half years old. It occurred to me today that it's just a matter of time before you find my blog, either just by asking me for the URL or by noticing one of the bookmarks on any one of the computers/cellphones in this house. It also occurred to me that you might not be crazy about everything that I write here, so this entry is my explanation to you.

First, let me explain what this is. You are reading my blog. I don't know if you're reading this at the age of 8.6 or 86, so let me explain what a blog is (just in case blogs don't exist in 2086). It's kind of like a diary except instead of writing what I REALLY feel, I exaggerate for the purposes of humor and self-centeredness. Also, instead of hiding my diary under my mattress (no, there's nothing hidden under my real mattress (don't check the toilet tank!)), I post my blog for the world to see. Of course the world doesn't really read it. A few dozen people stop by each day. Many of them got here by accident, by googling for some phrase like "giganticasses". Those people generally don't come back.

A couple dozen readers do come back on a regular basis though, and although I personally know a handful of them, most of these people are total strangers. They generally enjoy reading my silly posts about the daily events in my life. A few of them have remarked to me that what they most enjoy about my blog is hearing about you.

If you read enough of this blog, you'll notice that I often refer to someone named "Daisy". That's my blog-name for you. I didn't use your real name because I didn't want someone to google you in the future and end up reading my stories about how I used to wipe your butt for you. So I anonymized you. "Daisy" seemed like a name that was as cheerful as you are.

In this blog I make fun of almost everything. I make fun of the government, old people, myself, your mom (I call her "Hank"), you, and anything else I can think of. So, don't be surprised if you find a post that makes fun of you. I love you a lot, but writing a blog filled with posts that just said "I sure do love Daisy today, AGAIN!" wouldn't be very interesting.

Also, you may notice that the "Mike" that I describe in this blog doesn't always seem like your father. Things in this blog tend to be exaggerated and so I come across as somewhat ruder here than I am in real life. I make the kinds of jokes here that just wouldn't be very polite to make in real life. You could argue that it's not polite to make them in a blog either and you'd be right, but it's nice to have a place where you can be a ruder version of yourself. Remember, this is kind of like a diary in that I get to express thoughts here that I wouldn't necessarily blurt out in real life.

Anyway, I can't imagine that you'll be interested in reading this on a regular basis. Surely there's some good TV on, or maybe it's 2086 and you can go enjoy the holodeck. However, if you do read more, and you have any questions about what I've written, please come ask me. You and your mother are my favorite things in the world, but you won't get that impression from reading this blog, so don't get your undies in a bunch (do they wear undies in 2086?) without talking to me first.

Now, go do your homework, or job, or retirement hobbies, or whatever.

I love you, Daisy.


Lola said...

I'm one of those regular readers now, and I like everything you post. This was pretty special, though.

Avery Gray said...

I loved this. Really.

I've been thinking a lot about what I write on my blog, and how I would hate to think that my husband or son would be hurt by it. I don't mean to be a shrew, but I think I come across that way. Online, anyhow.

Still, I hope Daisy doesn't find your blog anytime soon. You would probably talk less about BJ's. And, really, what else do I come here for? ;o)

yajeev said...


Mike said...

Daisy, these are some of the "strangers" I'm talking about. They seem pretty nice though.

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm also one of your regular readers (although I'm a bit of cyberspace lurker so I don't often comment) and I think you're highly amusing and acerbic. However, I think you've just proved that you're just a big old softy at heart and I'll never believe you're mean again!

Mike said...

Barbara, just because I'm nice OCCASIONALLY, doesn't mean I'm a big softy! I'm an online meany! I have a very mean expression on my face even as I type this.

Anonymous said...

then i think we need the camera back so we can see just how mean your expression is every day!

Mike said...

Nrd2, I liked the daily photo thing, but it took effort which flies counter to my whole laziness ethic.

Megan S. said...

You may want to write for when your mom finds your blog and calls you crying and angry because you said you thought she was a better mom than you are (well dad in your case) and you put it on the internet .... ask me know I know.... i used to have a more personal blog but for now I'm all sweetness and light and sewing :)

Daisy I knew your dad back in the stone age. He's much nicer than he gives himself credit for. I'll send you pictures and letters one day.

Mike said...

Daisy, don't believe crazy people you meet on the Internet. For all we know, this "Megan" is a 13 year-old boy or a chihuahua who can type.

Stranger said...

Damn... I just read through the entire blog and now I still don't know what "giganticasses" are... ... Thanks buddy.

Mike said...

Stranger, sorry to disappoint. Turns out, I'm am not the expert in giganticasses that the Internet makes me out to be.