Monday, January 26, 2009

After my daughter had her turn attending an inventive party, Hank took her turn this weekend.

One of Hank's friends throws an annual Miss America Pageant Party. All guests/entrants must show up in an evening gown and come prepared to demonstrate both a talent and their knowledge of the pageant. Tiaras are provided and a winner is voted upon. No boys allowed.

Hank planned her first foray into the pageant world carefully. She decided to pair her fanciest dress with her least appropriate talent: the nunchucks. She cribbed notes from Wikipedia's page on the Miss America Pageant and got Daisy to teach her all of her Tae Kwon Do tricks with the nunchucks, some of which required Hank to elegantly hike up her dress.

Now, I'll grant you that chicks in gowns flinging nunchucks around are pretty hot, but my standards are impeccable. I explained to Hank that she needn't bother coming home unless she returned with the crown. I'm long overdue for my chance to have sex with a pageant queen and I'm not getting any more virile over here. Tick tock, babe.

I'm proud to report that Hank rocked the trivia section of the competition, demolishing her fellow pageantees in Miss America-ology. However, she was unaware the evening gown competition favored campiness over elegance. Additionally, her carefully choreographed nunchuck display was trumped by by several other talents, including the contestant who belched "There She Is, Miss America", the Miss America Pageant theme song, and the contestants who lip-synched the instrumental theme music to Law and Order.

So, she lost, but I've decided to keep loving her anyway. I'm chivalrous that way.

I am, however, in the market for friends who invite ME to fun and inventive parties. You know who are you. Tick tock.


tinyhands said...

I doubt you look as good in an evening gown.

Mike said...

Have you seen my legs? They're quite lovely. Hairy, but lovely.

Pilaf said...

Are you willing to travel for these parties?

Mike said...

Pilaf, sure! BART goes pretty far.