Sunday, November 09, 2008

Over the last few months I've gathered a few dozen Facebook friends. This group primarily consists of people I know from high school, work, my San Francisco community, and acquaintances.

I'm sorry, did I say friends? I meant to say "friends".

It was pretty exciting at first. Previously unattainable women from high school "befriended" me on Facebook and I was all "Me? Really? We're friends? Cause if we're friends-with-benefits, that would have been a hell of a lot handier back before I was married or, better yet, back when we actually went to high school together."

Turns out, we're not friends with benefits or even friends without benefits. We're the kind of friends that ignore me, but each time I pay attention to them I can see what kind of boring crap they do each day. This is not unlike the relationship I had with these people in high school where I watched them do their thing from my lunchtime seat in "Geek Gulch".

Look, Tammy is driving her kids to soccer!

Hurray, Brittany is enjoying a Starbucks latte, mmmmm!

Yahoooooo, Christina is updating her status for no discernable reason whatsoever!

Apparently the extent of our friendship is that we enjoy informing Facebook Corp that we were once colocated together. So Norman goddamn Rockwell.

14 comments:

Avery Gray said...

Well, if you didn't want to hear about all the hot lesbian threeways I'm involved in, why did you make me your "friend" in the first place? Geesh!

loveyh said...

Oooh, oooh, pick me, pick me!

I am a FB loooooo-ssserrrr as well. Fun stuff though.

Mike said...

Avery, after A LOT of internet research, I have determined that an entirely lesbian 3-way is less sexy than one that includes a dude.

Lovey, I can't even find you in facebook.

Sue said...

I can't figure facebook out. My son got an account. People who he has NEVER talked to once, but know him through homeschooling or church, are his "friends".

Seems like another big waste of time to me. They play games on facebook. They take surveys and quizzes. What's the point?

At least a blog SAYS something.

Hubby and ARG keep telling me I "gotta get a facebook account!"

Who knows, maybe it'll make me feel popular (finally).

Avery Gray said...

So, you like watching the dudes, do you? Interesting.

carey said...

Facebook's confusing. I have enough trouble keeping track of my own shit, let alone someone else's.

I'm not a Facewhore yet, but I'll be your friend if you'll be mine. We'll do lunch.

Mike said...

Sue, for me the appeal of Facebook is that at a glance, with a single click, I get a quick (albeit VERY superficial) window into the lives of a set of people whose paths I have once crossed. It's a weird and oddly compelling little thing.

Avery, I'm not so much into the dudes, but also not into the chicks who aren't into dudes either.

Carey, let's Facebook it up!

carey said...

I would, but I think I accidentally became Michael Phelps' one billionth friend instead...

Mike said...

I knew him back when he only had 900,000,000 friends.

David said...

I don't know why people are so afraid of the "deny" button. It's easier to manage a mix of 40 or so real and sorta friends than deal with the status lists of 400 people I couldn't give a bleep about. Being an ass also helps weed out potential "friends" too.

Mike said...

David, yeah, I suppose you're right, but it just seems petty to "deny" someone I went to high school with. I wish they wouldn't call it "friends" but Status-Buddies or something else that would make rejection seem more palatable.

loveyh said...

you found me!!!! Woot.

Now I can stalk you closer...

Mike said...

Loveyh, I think you'll be underwhelmed with what you stalk, but go for it.

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