Over the last few months I've gathered a few dozen Facebook friends. This group primarily consists of people I know from high school, work, my San Francisco community, and acquaintances.
I'm sorry, did I say friends? I meant to say "friends".
It was pretty exciting at first. Previously unattainable women from high school "befriended" me on Facebook and I was all "Me? Really? We're friends? Cause if we're friends-with-benefits, that would have been a hell of a lot handier back before I was married or, better yet, back when we actually went to high school together."
Turns out, we're not friends with benefits or even friends without benefits. We're the kind of friends that ignore me, but each time I pay attention to them I can see what kind of boring crap they do each day. This is not unlike the relationship I had with these people in high school where I watched them do their thing from my lunchtime seat in "Geek Gulch".
Look, Tammy is driving her kids to soccer!
Hurray, Brittany is enjoying a Starbucks latte, mmmmm!
Yahoooooo, Christina is updating her status for no discernable reason whatsoever!
Apparently the extent of our friendship is that we enjoy informing Facebook Corp that we were once colocated together. So Norman goddamn Rockwell.