Our new room is almost done.

Of course, when it comes to remodeling, "almostness" is not measured in units of time. Although there are only a handful of items left to be completed, actual doneness will never be achieved. We can only asymptotically approach a finished room.

For example, the painters came by at least four times in an effort to paint and hang our closet door. They never succeeded. The installation of the railing on our new deck appears to be following a less efficient vector.

At least one subcontractor visits the room each day. Some days I can spot the outlet cover they installed, other days their work is a complete mystery (like the Lord). On those days I can only assume that after 9 months of "work" on this project, the contractors have become rather attached to the space, and are experiencing separation anxiety. My heart bleeds for them. It bleeds gigantic five-figured checks.

The painter, however, is the most ridiculous of the subcontractors. This is the same painter who painted the wrong rooms of our house during one of his earlier escapades. These days his incompetence manifests itself by not showing up, accidentally spray painting our living room, losing our house key, and not knowing how to paint a door.

When I tell people about our painter they always ask, "But is he a good painter?"

What does that question mean? Are they asking if he is capable of applying paint molecules to surfaces?

I kind of assumed that what separated the good painters from the bad ones was the ability to prevent paint from splattering on undesired surfaces. If, however, there really are painters out there who are unable to make paint adhere to walls, then, "yes", my painter is a master of adhesion.

Anyway, we're almost done. Just infinity more days to go.