Saturday, December 08, 2007

Our new room is almost done.

Of course, when it comes to remodeling, "almostness" is not measured in units of time. Although there are only a handful of items left to be completed, actual doneness will never be achieved. We can only asymptotically approach a finished room.

For example, the painters came by at least four times in an effort to paint and hang our closet door. They never succeeded. The installation of the railing on our new deck appears to be following a less efficient vector.

At least one subcontractor visits the room each day. Some days I can spot the outlet cover they installed, other days their work is a complete mystery (like the Lord). On those days I can only assume that after 9 months of "work" on this project, the contractors have become rather attached to the space, and are experiencing separation anxiety. My heart bleeds for them. It bleeds gigantic five-figured checks.

The painter, however, is the most ridiculous of the subcontractors. This is the same painter who painted the wrong rooms of our house during one of his earlier escapades. These days his incompetence manifests itself by not showing up, accidentally spray painting our living room, losing our house key, and not knowing how to paint a door.

When I tell people about our painter they always ask, "But is he a good painter?"

What does that question mean? Are they asking if he is capable of applying paint molecules to surfaces?

I kind of assumed that what separated the good painters from the bad ones was the ability to prevent paint from splattering on undesired surfaces. If, however, there really are painters out there who are unable to make paint adhere to walls, then, "yes", my painter is a master of adhesion.

Anyway, we're almost done. Just infinity more days to go.

13 comments:

Avery Gray said...

I'm a master of adhesion myself. I do all my own painting. And I'm a whiz at faux finishes. Just ask anyone who's seen my hand-painted brick wall. I'm going to be an interior designer when I grow up. I'll let you hire me for an exorbitant fee. Trust me, I'm worth it.

Mike said...

Thankfully we're almost done with this painter. We'll ask him to do some touch-up and then he's not allowed back in the house with a paint brush. Hell of a nice guy though.

As for your fees, let me know when you have a San Francisco discount. I'm sure you love this city.

Sue said...

what is symtotocically? or whatever...

Mike said...

It's a mathematical term that describes some process or curve that gets closer and closer and closer to some destination, but it never actually reaches the seemingly graspable endpoint.

yajeev said...

kudos.

nice asymptote.

Avery Gray said...

Why wouldn't I love San Fransisco? Oh, I know. Because I'm conservative, right? My blood may start to boil as soon as the plane touches down?

Well, I haven't been there in about 5 years, but the last time I went, I had a great time. And (if you can believe this) I was probably more conservative then than I am now. Try to wrap your mind around that!

Mike said...

Aw, come on, I need SOME reason to make fun of you! Geez, at least allow me the joy of painting you as an idiot knee-jerk conservative! Is that so much to ask?

Mike said...

Yajeev, being a San Francisco resident, I do get the occasional man complimenting me on my asymptote. Thanks!

Avery Gray said...

I'm sure you can probably think of plenty of reasons to make fun of me if you really applied yourself to the task. Come on! Give it that old college try!

Mike said...

Well, your elbows are kind of funny looking.

Avery Gray said...

Oh, Mike! I would have thought, after all those years of wedded bliss, you would know by now never to insult any part of a woman's body. I'm crushed.

Mike said...

Hey, I know not to insult my wife's hot and sexy elbows, but until you put a ring on my finger, your elbows are fair game.

Avery Gray said...

Good to know.