Many people (two or three) have asked me how exactly I managed to fall into a septic tank.
Comically. Easily. Unfortunately. What type of answer are people looking for here?
My mother-in-law lives in Boonies, Vermont, where the snow is piled up high this time of year. Recently, a considerate neighbor with a plow took it upon himself to plow their road and everyone's driveway. This was his first time doing it and he failed to notice the septic system, which is mostly underground but does have some above-ground components. He plowed right through it, damaging and dislodging the septic tank lid.
Then, more snow fell, covering his tracks and the now precariously perched lid. It was basically a sewage-filled hole with a flimsy top covered by a foot of loosely packed snow.
Essentially they had created, what I suspect is locally known as, a "City Boy Trap".
The next day Daisy and I frolicked in the snow. We built a snow tunnel, a crappy snow fort, and were on our way to retrieve the sleds when it happened. I stepped into a deep pile of snow and it collapsed suddenly, dramatically plunging me several feet below ground level.
Happily (but unfortunately for this blog), several pipes and bits of equipment broke my fall before I got dunked into the sewagey sludge. The stench was powerful, but I managed to remain about 99% sewage-free. I climbed out and took a shower shortly thereafter.
Jolly Winter Present Tree Day to you all.