Sunday, December 23, 2007

Many people (two or three) have asked me how exactly I managed to fall into a septic tank.

Comically. Easily. Unfortunately. What type of answer are people looking for here?

My mother-in-law lives in Boonies, Vermont, where the snow is piled up high this time of year. Recently, a considerate neighbor with a plow took it upon himself to plow their road and everyone's driveway. This was his first time doing it and he failed to notice the septic system, which is mostly underground but does have some above-ground components. He plowed right through it, damaging and dislodging the septic tank lid.

Then, more snow fell, covering his tracks and the now precariously perched lid. It was basically a sewage-filled hole with a flimsy top covered by a foot of loosely packed snow.

Essentially they had created, what I suspect is locally known as, a "City Boy Trap".

The next day Daisy and I frolicked in the snow. We built a snow tunnel, a crappy snow fort, and were on our way to retrieve the sleds when it happened. I stepped into a deep pile of snow and it collapsed suddenly, dramatically plunging me several feet below ground level.

Happily (but unfortunately for this blog), several pipes and bits of equipment broke my fall before I got dunked into the sewagey sludge. The stench was powerful, but I managed to remain about 99% sewage-free. I climbed out and took a shower shortly thereafter.

Jolly Winter Present Tree Day to you all.

13 comments:

Avery Gray said...

Geez! Laid up for a few days, and see what I miss?! Thank God you're okay! A girl who lived a couple miles away from where I grew up fell through a rusted out septic tank when I was very young, and she didn't live to tell about it. Those aren't anything to mess with. Of course, you being a city boy and all, how could you know?

Did your life flash before your eyes?

holly said...

oh wow that could have gone really badly - er, well, more so - for you.

and lovely name. jolly winter present tree day to you! may the fat man put lots of junk under your tines. but you know, junk you like.

Mike said...

Hey Avery. No, my life didn't have a chance to flash before my eyes. I was just thinking "Oh man! This snow is deep!" and then I was suddenly stuck in a hole. I'm really not a fast enough thinker to realize that I'm in danger.

Hi Holly. It's true. It's hard to believe that falling into the septic tank actually went pretty well. And much luck to your junk haul as well. I suggest putting some in the trunk. That's all the rage.

Unbalanced Reaction said...

Holy crap!

(pun intended..hahahaha!)

missburrows said...

I'm horrified and laughing hysterically at the same time.

Mike said...

Unbalanced, nicely done.

Miss Burrows, I was one of those things too.

newnorth said...

so it wasn't Really your fault. Not that you said it was but I naturally assumed.

Mike said...

Newnorth, I read your comment to my wife and she busted up.

patsy said...

i am glad you didn't get down in the mess. happy hannak, i hope that is spelled right

Mike said...

Hey Patsy, since "Hanukkah" is translated from Hebrew which uses a completely different alphabet, there really is no correct way to spell it. I couldn't even remember the traditional way to spell it in English, so I googled it up.

I solved this problem long ago by not celebrating the holiday any more. I'm all Winter Present Tree Day.

Hope you had a merry Christmas.

Deb said...

Ew.

meg said...

You know, this is exactly something that would happen to me. I was just discussing with Mr. Big about how weird shit always happens to me. Now I know there are others out there.

Mike said...

Meg, I think this kind of stuff happens to a lot of people, but most of them are just smart enough to keep it to themselves.