One of the advantages of working at home is not having to interact with society. People creep me out. Today, however, despite it being the beginning of holiday shopping season, I felt compelled to go to the mall and buy some socks. My feet, you see, are often cold during winter, and I recently discovered the joys of Smartwool socks. They are warm and cozy and my sweet little tootsies love them. So, I went to buy more because like all civilized men, I am a slave to the cozy tootsie.
My favorite moment at the mall actually came when I was driving home. I saw some poor fellow running across the street to try and catch his train before it left. Due to his unfortunate choice of pants style, his trousers dropped down to his knees as he ran through the intersection. After a few steps, he was reduced to an awkward shuffle while simultaneously holding up his pants. He barely made his train.
I roared in.... uh.... sympathetic laughter.
Now, I've mocked this loose-pants fashion trend before, but it bears an additional mock round.
I totally understand that fashion often defies practicality. We've all seen pre-ripped pants and pants that are way too tight, but this too-loose style may be the first fashion trend that actually impairs the very limbs it seeks to cover. What other piece of everyday clothing actually prevents your body from functioning?
It would be like wearing shirts that pressed your elbows into your torso. You'd be reduced to flapping your lower arms around like a panicked flightless bird.
Or maybe like wearing floppy shoes that were so big that they interfered with each other, ensuring that you tripped with each and every step.
Or sunglasses that squirted acid into your retinas.
Or a hat that kept your head toasty warm WHILE EATING YOUR BRAIN.
That's what those stupid pants are like. What's even more annoying is that theoretically fashion is one of the factors that attracts a mate. So, these idiots with motion-impairing pants are potentially MORE likely to attract a mate than people with normal pants.
And that's why I like working at home.