Tuesday, January 24, 2006

As we grow older and progress through the various stages of adulthood, we take on new responsibilities. Often this takes the form of working a job or being responsible for the care of others. Also, we must mock how young people dress.

This is a time-honored tradition. Each generation must howl with derision or outrage at how the next generation dresses. I'm not much of an outrage guy, so I'm going with derision in this post. Note that I am well aware that this mockery is bi-directional, but given that I still dress like I did in high school, I have decided that I'm immune from such attacks.

First up in the targeting scope are those brands of pants that have the brand name written squarely across the ass. Specifically, I speak of Juicy Couture.

Folks, maybe it's just that I'm more of a breast man than an ass man, but I am unable to do anything other than laugh at the word "JUICY" written across someone's butt cheeks. I'm not exactly sure what kind of juice comes out of an ass, but I'm pretty sure it's unappealing. I could see it saying, "ROUND" or "FIRM" or if they have to go with a culinary metaphor, maybe "SWEET" or "MEATY", but any images of the ass as a juice dispenser are met with nothing but derision.

I fully support people's right to advertise the juiciness of their ass, but I think I'll stick to beer and coffee.

Also, I realize that I'm the 10 millionth person to mock this particular fashion trend, but you gentlemen who like to wear your pants around your ankles, you look like clowns. I understand that this look, like the do-rag, is supposed to portray a gangster-like image of toughness, but when you have to hold up your pants to walk, that's not so tough. You walk like toddlers.

If you're going to hinder your mobility like that, you had better be armed to the freakin' teeth, because I could push you over and then make a very leisurely getaway.

Tomorrow I'll complain about my dentures or perhaps lament the early demise of the punch card.


zelda1 said...

How funny. I agree, who wants to think of a butt as either being juicy or gassey? When I see those pants that are falling down, I have to resist the urge to run up and pull their pants up or offer them a belt or tell them that they look like little boys trying to wear their daddy's pants. The same holds true for the girls with big breasts and little shirts. I just want to tell them that less is better and that I don't want to see that much of their anatomy, in fact, sometimes, I think I see more of their breasts than I do mine. I try not to look but they are just there all unnatrual looking with big blue veins and shoved up to their chins. I fear there will be a mutation in the human anatomy and it will involve no double chins as we know them today, but double barrelled chins, and the bras will be situated around the neck, sorta like a neck support and women will forever go through their lives with huge breats goiters and men will have neck fettishes and and and it's all going to be awful. So I say now before the evolutionary process begins, put the breasts back where they belong and let them be what they are suppose to be, uninhanced.

Mike said...

I suspect your fear of neck breasts is unfounded, but to be perfectly honest, I haven't met a set of breasts that I didn't like, so maybe I'd like neck breasts.

Tasty said...

HA! And HA! for Zelda, too.

Drago said...

Damn right you're famous. We have to admit that we've never been able to decide whether we're breast men or ass men. Rather, we prefer to appreciate beauty in all of its manifest forms.

We support you and your cause.

The Editors
Pale Horse Pale Rider

Mike said...

Your openmindedness is impressive.

Badaunt said...

The falling-down-trousers phenomenon hit Japan, too, with disastrous results. Japanese guys tend to have rather short legs to start with, and now all those fine young men look like they've been chopped off at the knees.

Mike said...

Badaunt, yeah there's nothing more "gangsta" than stubby chopped-at-the-knees legs.