When I was a kid my parents watched 60 Minutes every Sunday night. I'd always watch the last 5 minutes of it with them to see Andy Rooney's weekly curmudgeonly diatribe.
For those of you who aren't familiar with Andy Rooney, he's kind of a caricature of a grumpy old man. His rants often start out something like this:
"These days medicines seem to cause more things than they cure."
"Why are the cleaning instructions for my reading glasses so small?"
Some days I feel like I'm turning into Andy Rooney. Today is one of those days.
I hate my new toothbrush.
First off, there's a slight angle in the handle about two and a half inches away from the bottom of the handle. I can't really comfortably hold the toothbrush with that inadequate 2.5 inch length of handle. I like to have a firm grasp on my toothbrush. I brush vigorously and you don't want that baby flying javelin-style through the house.
Secondly, apparently someone has decided that toothbrushes need more features. Mine has a tongue scrubber on the other side of the bristles. This is really annoying. Now, when I brush my teeth, the inside of my cheeks get inadvertently rubbed and scraped by this useless feature. You know what, Colgate people? Every toothbrush I've ever owned already had the ability to brush my tongue. You know those bristles? They can brush tongues too! You want to add stuff to my toothbrush? How about ANYTHING more useful, like maybe a bellybutton squeegee or even an eardrum puncturer.
Also, I wanted a blue toothbrush. I like blue.
Meanwhile, as I rapidly approach total curmudgeonry, my mother is going in the opposite direction. Yesterday I taught her how to send a text message. Today I taught her to type, "C U L8R". Tomorrow, she's a h4x0r