First, off, let me say how very helpful you all are. I start off by writing a post about how I always make stupid mistakes when working with one particular individual, and I close the post by throwing in a joke that Pablo made about me having a crush on the guy. Har har har. Then, the entire blogosphere, or at least my .0000002% of it rises up and unanimously claims that I am indeed very very gay.
On the bright side, at least I heard it from you guys and not some hairy, ultra-endowed, and frisky suitor.
Totally unrelated, apparently today was awkward conversation day.
First example
The doorbell rang just before lunch today. A vaguely familiar woman was there. I stepped out in my socks and workout clothes to have this conversation with her:
Woman: Hi, I'm your neighbor from Roosevelt St and I'm taking care of your next door neighbor's yard for her and....hey, you look familiar. Do I know you?
Me: (not able to place her yet either) I'm not sure
Woman: Oh! I got it! I've seen you walking your dog.
Me: I don't have a dog.
Woman: Hmmmm. Ok. Anyway....oh....geez, are you ok? (peering down at my feet)
Me: Uh, yeah.
Woman: Oh, I see. You're just standing funny to keep your socks clean. Like this.... (demonstrates by contorting her lower body into an unnatural pigeon-toed stance)
Me: I guess I just stand that way normally. I'm naturally awkward.
Woman: Ah. Anyway, I'm cutting some vines in your neighbor's yard and...
Me: Oh! I recognize you now. You're Jackie. We chatted a long time ago about having you do some landscaping for us, but you didn't have time.
Woman: Really?
Me: Yeah! And also, once when I was walking with my daughter looking for snails for a school project, you helped us find some.
Woman: Oh. So, it wasn't your dog then.
Me: No. That was my daughter.
Second example
I needed to chat with one of my remote coworkers. I didn't have him on my Instant Messenger buddy list, but I had his boss listed. I asked his boss to cough up some contact information and he gave me Rick's Instant Messenger id and his phone number. Rick and I then had this chat:
Me: Hey, Rick. I've got you on my IM buddy list now! Expect me to be contacting you, oh, every 20 minutes or so, for the rest of your life.
Rick: Oh, I should add you to my list too. How do I add you as a buddy?
Me: Well, first we actually have to become buddies in real life.
Rick: Uhh....
Me: We'll need to hang out, get drinks, or maybe catch a ballgame.
Rick: .....
Me: Whooo! Lunches with Rick! We'll be best friends forever!
Rick: Oh, here it is. I found the "Add Buddy" button.
Me: That works too.
Third example
I went on a lunchtime run and jogged down a semi-busy street. I ran past a couple of gentlemen sitting on their front steps.
Gentleman 1: Hey, keep running, dude!
Gentleman 2: Ha ha!
Me: (running)
Gentleman 1: Run, Forrest, Run!
Gentleman 2: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Me: (running)
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13 comments:
Very funny! Now bout those socked tootsie ... do you do some kinda dance step? Little tap dance at the doorway? Please share the details. (Is this part of your I'm-gay-thing?)
Smooch,
The Tart
; )
Thanks for the chuckles.
Oh, I agree with Tart. Show us a picture of your pigeoned-toe stance!
Your neighbor sounds WEIRDly wonderful! I love weirdly wonderful neighbors... I feel slightly more normal, but less funny, around them. It's actually a mixed bag.
Jocelyn, look, my feet get cold, so I wear socks all day long. Socks and slippers sometimes. Now, I'm not going to go put on shoes just to answer the door, am I?
Carey, you are welcome.
jr, I already showed you my cuppa and my zit. If I concede this and show you my pigeon-toed stance, then what's next? This is a family-friendly blog, you konw.
Just hearing about your awkward life makes my awkward life seem graceful.
Sara, *curtsy....whoop STUMBLE*
I hate when when I click the 'BFF' button and they click 'deny'
Tiny, fear not, I'll be you BFF.
SarahR, hey, thanks! That sounds a lot like my morning. So, I just checked out YOUR blog and frankly I'm a little disappointed at your blogging frequency. It's not really supposed to be an annual thing. :)
Please bare the sock stance or a sketch of such. U must not tell & not show, really. Hmm. Have Daisy draw U in tootsie repose at front door, K?
Giggling smooch,
The Tart
Psssssst. Help, what the "H" is TH referencing. ; o
Jocelyn, I'd prefer to leave this image to you imagination. Go wild!
As for TH, "BFF" stands for Best Friends Forever.
My favorite are the little old men who like to say, "That's it, sweetheart - keep running - looking goood..." Why is it that little old men are allowed to be pervy and we let them get away with it?
Being that you're now gay and all, I'm sure you can appreciate this.
Don't you hate it when people say they know you and then can't place you or then you both try and try to figure it out? That's how I felt in my other life, before the accident. I worked labor and delivery and women were always coming up to me, in the mall, at the grocery store, at the x-rated store, well not the x-rated store, but they were saying, don't I know you and I'm saying, no, I don't think so, then we do this do you go to the gym, do you go to the bar, do you go to the library, and on and on and finally I will say, wait, did you just have a baby. Ahhh, it clicks. WEll, one day, I was in the mall and this was when I was young and hot, no I mean it, I was hot, with firm butt and firm chest and smooth no cracked face, and anyway, one of our older ob docs came up to me and says, "Oh my god, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on." okay, not that I worked naked, cause I didn't, but he only saw me in scrubs and well clothes, meaning street clothes, of course every one in our general area had gapped mouths because that was back in the day when naked meant sinful not like today when naked means trendy.
PT, hey, if someone tells me I'm "looking good", I'll take it.
Zelda1, naked means trendy? So, if I work a good portion of the day in my bathrobe, I'm almost trendy? Wooo hoo!
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