Monday, May 22, 2006

Oh, enough about you. Let's talk about me. How was my weekend?

It was busy. Families, as it turns out, are a real time sink. Let's review the highlights, er, bloglights.

On Friday night we did our usual. For years now our Friday nights have been reserved for our good friends, Larry and Liz (or LizLarry as we affectionately call them). Foolishly they went and had a baby a few months ago, so now much of our social time is spent dealing either with our kid or their kid. This Friday their infant was being especially cranky.

In baseball, some players are referred to as "5 tools" players. These are players that can run fast, throw well, catch well, and hit often and hard. In parenting, I'm known as a "1 tool" guy. If a baby is crying, I only have one trick up my sleeve, so I whipped it out for LizLarry's kid.

I stood in front of them, and slowly spun in a circle, alternately raising my right arm and then my left. Meanwhile, I "sang" this circus tune. Within seconds, their baby was mesmerized. She stopped screaming and stared at me. You would have been hard-pressed to describe her as happy, but she was clearly on the non-screamy side of befuddled, which was a marked improvement. I kept this up for several minutes. I was kind of out of shape, so it was tiring. These arms don't lift themselves, you know.

On Saturday night we went to go see a play put on by a program at Daisy's school. I couldn't decide what was cuter, seeing the kindergartners bust out their hip hop moves to the Black Eyed Peas' "Let's Get It Started" or watching the first graders strum their air guitars to Guns and Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle". Elementary school sure has gotten a lot hipper since I was a kid. (Or maybe I was just the one tragically unhip kid.)

My favorite moment of the weekend was discussing the train wreck of a reality show called "American Inventor". This show seemingly held much promise for geeks such as myself who can enjoy the occasional reality show. In the end, they had about 2 hours of content spread over an entire season of television.

My father, who recently purchased a Tivo (after years of me urging him to buy one), convinced me to start watching the show, so I discussed the finale with him last night:

Me: Man, that last episode was just a bunch of filler. I fast-forwarded through like 45 minutes of it. I'm pretty sure I watched it in less than 20 minutes.
Dad: Oh, I only watched 5 minutes of it. Just the end.
Mike: Well, shows like that are perfect for Tivo. Just zip right through it.
Dad: Yeah, I Tivo'ed the shit out of it.

I sat there for a second, wondering if I had mis-heard my father. Although he does swear on occasion, coining a new obscenity-laden expression is not really his style. I decided to let it stand as-is because it pleased me.

Finally, throughout the weekend, I wrestled with this zit. I lost.


Janelle Renee said...

The photo was only 1/2 on my screen when I first saw it. I thought it was a nipple. I wish it was. Zit? Gross!

nrd2 said...

clinique anti acne spot treatment. it really really works.

Mike said...

jr, if I don't gross you out at least once a week then I'm just not doing my job here.

nrd2, Hank has hoity-toity skin care products. I've been dabbing some sort of glycolic acid based goo on there for days.

zelda1 said...

I'm the baby, child, and dog attracter. They love me; therefore, I'm the one that they hand the crying baby to. I don't mind. The zit, use a little lava soap. It's strong, so only use it on your zit. It's draw that stuff right out. I know what you mean, the thing about finding things to do with the babies. Mine, of course, are grown, but I have the BAby now, and it is so weird taking him with us with our friend's on our night out. Friends being over 50 people. We are the group that get the good parking, the discounts, and the great tables. HA! They all lend a hand but we are a bunch of old folks and the Baby becomes the center of everyone's world. What does a tivo do?

Mike said...

Zelda1, a Tivo is a miraculous device that you hook up to your TV system and it will happily record and store dozens of your favorite programs. It's super easy to use and you'll rarely ever watch a commercial again. You just tell it to do something like Record Survivor or Record Any Program About Scrabble and it will make it so. No worrying about VCR tapes, or what time a program is on. Tivo knows.

Tivo is my friend.

Leesa said...

Tivo is my friend too...well, actually PVR is, but same thing. Nice zit. ZOG would have taken care of that.

Mike said...

Leesa, I googled this "Zog" of yours and I'm stumped.

The first couple hits referred to Zionist Occupied Governments. I guess they could do something about my zit. Since I'm sort of a Jew, maybe they'll bust out the secret Jew acne medicine.

A few other hits referred to Dr. Zog's Sex Wax, which is apparently for surf boards. Maybe if I rub some on my zit, I'll get more sex.

Or maybe Zog is someone you know who is good at popping zits.

The Tart said...

Mike U R so crazy! Zits, sex & wax ... it is all here, every post.

Still laughing, so no smooch,
The Tart
; )

Mike said...

That's right, Jocelyn! Everything you could possibly every want! IN EACH BLOG POST! Enjoy.

Leesa said...

Didn't I get Zog from you? I thought you used it in a post recently when you fixed/opened something for I wrong?? I'll have to search for it now.....I know I'm not crazy :P

Leesa said...

April 16th--ZOG broke a lock on a diary ;)

Mike said...

Leesa, you really expect me to remember every bit of nonsense I spew out here? I can hardly keep my nom du blogs straight!

You might be right about Zog helping with the zit though.

Badaunt said...

Hey, I just learned that that circus tune and the slow arm whirling thing doesn't just work on babies. I clicked the link, turned up the volume, then stood up and whirled slowly with my arms going up and down - and The Man was ABSOLUTELY RIVETED.

Mike said...

BadAunt, you know, I never tried it on a grownup. That's a very interesting experiment. I look forward to mesmerizing my wife this evening.