Monday, December 05, 2005

There are lots of different kinds of lucky. Some folks are lucky in cards, while an equal number are tritely lucky in love. Then there's good health, being in the right place at the right time, not getting hit by lightning, blah blah blah. Those are well and good but not nearly as important as my kind of lucky.

I just won the lottery!

Actually, that's not completely accurate. I didn't win the lottery, I won four of them. I know, I know. When it rains, it pours. I'd actually feel a little guilty about this if it weren't for the fact that I so richly deserve these winnings. I have played Lotto here in California literally dozens of times without winning, so I was pretty damn due.

In the last four days, I have won four separate lotteries in three separate nations. Considering that I didn't explicitly enter these lotteries, it would seem unlikely that I had won them all, but I have actual proof of each of these victories in my handy Gmail Spam folder. Obviously I'll be sending a smarmy bug report to the idiots at Gmail for thinking these lottery notifications were spams. As if!

On December 2nd, I won the Irish Lottery, worth 7,408,677 Euros.
On December 3rd, I won the ONLINE SWEEPSTAKE Lottery International in the United Kingdom, worth 2,500,000 US dollars.
On December 4th, I won the HERITAGE MEGA JACKPOT LOTTERY in the United Kingdom, worth 5,000,000 Pounds
Then, today, I won the Sonic BV Lottery in Amsterdam (which, apparently, is referred to as Armsterdam by the Dutch), worth 1,500,000 Euros.

This all comes to $21,568,933.83 (US Dollars).

Holy crap! In my last life I must have been a saint. Maybe I was Mother Theresa or Jon Stewart or something.

This is perfect timing too, because tomorrow is the first day of a really boring three-day meeting at work. I was actually supposed to be in the office. I think I'll show up tomorrow, at first just quiet and coy, but then when the meeting gets going, I'll jump up on the table and start crapping out flaming $100 bills. This trick will involve a few crumpled $100 bills, beans for breakfast, and a lighter. Obviously I've been planning this stunt for a while, waiting for this very day.

So, don't expect any blog posts for a while. I'm going to be out whoring, and hiring buxom nurses to tend to my charred ass, and then maybe whoring.



Leesa said...

Did you say you were hiring buxom nurses??

Mike said...

Yeah! Maybe a harem-full. You know some?

Leesa said...

I could probably scrounge up a few for a lottery winner :)

Mike said...

Tell us the truth, Leesa, is it you? Are you the buxom nurse? The blogosphere's fantasies will not be denied.

Leesa said...

Oh, I can't reveal all my secrets now...:)

Mike said...

I didn't ask you to reveal all your secrets, just that one. I'm nothing if not fair.