We hosted our monthly poker game last Saturday night.

In many ways our poker game is non-traditional. There's no cigar smoking and we even allow dames to play. However, there are limits and they've now been reached. I think you'll agree.

Anyway, I'm a pretty crappy host, as it turns out. I'm not so good at the whole "Do you want a goddamn drink or what?" thing that hosts are supposed to do. Guests bring drinks and snacks and pretty much fend for themselves in my kitchen. Often, I'm not even aware of what beverages people have brought.

So, imagine my surprise when I look in the fridge the next day, and find...

Hang on. This is hard to say. Let me gather myself here.

So, the next day I open the refrigerator and what beverage do I see? What fine liquid has one of my guests brought to drink?

O'Doul's Premium "beer"!

Do you know what this is? It's near beer. I don't even know which one of my guests brought this atrocity to our poker game, BUT IT'S A POKER GAME! I mean, if you don't want to drink booze, then don't. Have a soda, or some water, or a bucket of your own urine. Whatever, I'm cool with it. But, for god sakes, don't drink near beer at a poker game! It's like going to an orgy and bringing balloons instead of condoms!

The worst part of it is that I think the guy who brought the near beer is also the guy who won. How embarrassing for everyone. We've all been shamed.