Monday, June 06, 2005

* Moments in Parenting

1) I was driving across the Bay Bridge with my daughter in the back seat, when suddenly traffic came to a grinding halt. "Hmmmm, looks like we're stuck in traffic for a bit," I complained.

"It's ok," said my daughter, bopping around in her car seat, "We've got good tunes!"

"Yeah," I said, joining in the glass-is-half-full spirit, "And good company!"

I turned around to smile at my daughter in the back seat. She smiled warmly back at me while simultaneously furiously digging a booger out of her nose.

2) Took my daughter to the mall on Saturday. We strolled through Nordstrom, a fine department store, which often has a piano player to soothe their customers. My daughter planted herself in front of the piano and put on a dance show to accompany the live music. It was a mix of ballet, Irish jigging, and modern dance. My favorite move was where she crossed her right foot in front of the left, and then folded herself down into a ball, covering her head with her hands. She would then open back up, like a flower blooming. I found the whole show to be endearing. Most everyone else just wanted to get past her to buy their damn shoes. They do have a nice shoe selection at Nordstrom.

3) Celebrated my niece's 9th birthday this weekend. One of her presents was an origami instruction book, so I sat down with my daughter and two nieces to try and do some origami. The instructions and accompanying diagrams were completely befuddling. There were 3D folds, 2D folds, reverse folds, and at one point, something simply referred to as a Half Brontosaur fold.

Did I sleep through folding class? What the hell are these things?

In an effort to show the kids how to deal with adversity, I wadded up my deformed creation, angrily threw it to the ground and screamed, "THERE'S YOUR GODDAMN CRANE, YOU LITTLE BRATS!" **

4) My extended family went to go see my nieces perform in a ballet show this weekend. We got to the theater early and had about 20 minutes to kill while sitting in our theater seats. My mother, daughter, and I decided to play 20 Questions. My daughter likes to be the one to think of the "thing" and I usually get to do the guessing. Without fail, my daughter would pick something that was right there in the theater. Out of sight, out of mind, it appears. She'd whisper her choice to my mother and together they'd answer my questions. However, each time my daughter looked away, my mother would either point to the object in question or mouth the answer to me. Every time this happened, I'd respond by tattling on mom, explaining to my daughter that her grandmother had been secretly giving me clues. This exchange gave me the distinct pleasure of frustrating both my daughter and my mother in one fell swoop. God, I love efficiency.

* Fill in your own damn adjective
** A slight exaggeration


Leesa said...

LOVE the 1st one! How endearing and special!!

Mike said...

Thanks Leesa. It's true that there are few things in the universe more endearing than a five year-old girl with her hand crammed up her nose.

Tasty said...

Brilliant as always. Hooray for the dance recital!

Mike said...

Tasty, "Brilliant"?! Are you SURE you don't spend the rest of your days reading romance novels?

Tasty said...

BAHAHAHA! Yeah, I'm quite sure. Actually, I don't really think 'brilliant' is overstated for me in this case. My preferred style of reading (others' writings) is succinct and funny/sarcastic with occasional endearing. So, I enjoy your blog a great deal. And, I'm not That Guy, as you're doubtless aware. :)

Mike said...

Tasty, well, I guess we'll just agree to disagree. But, thank you. :)

Vivian to Some said...

Holy shit #1 was boogerific! (63pts) This was the funniest thing I've read all week.

Mike said...

Woooo! 63 points! Thanks, Vivian!