Was driving around town with the family this weekend. Participants included me, the wife, the sister-in-law, and my darling five year-old daughter. Had this awkward conversation:
Sister-In-Law: Have you guys heard the Viagra news?
Me: (Grimacing. Waiting for the inevitable...)
Wife: No, what's the news?
Sister-In-Law: It causes blindness.
Me: (Waiting....wait for it....)
Daughter: What's Viagra?
Who didn't see that coming? Go stand in the stupid corner.
Sister-In-Law: It's a medicine.
Daughter: What does it do?
My daughter asks this for several reasons. First, she's curious. Second, usually when she hears about a medicine it's because she's about to get it. In her mind, she's already concerned that we're on our way to the Viagra store and it's just a matter of time before she's blind. Now my task is to both reassure her that she doesn't need Viagra while at the same time completely skirting the all too phallic looming climax of this conversation.
Me: (Not liking where this is going) It's a medicine for old men.
Daughter: But what does it do?
Me: It makes old men feel better, maybe stronger.
Daughter: Do I need Viagra?
Me: No! No! Little girls do not take Viagra.
Daughter: Just old men?
Me: LOOK, A MONKEY! A MONKEY SQUIRTING CANDY OUT OF ITS ASS!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, A PINATA MONKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
And we escaped. I am the master of indirection.