A few weeks ago, my friend, whom we'll call Jay, went to go see Dean Karnazes speak. Dean Karnazes, for those of you who have better things to do with your time than contemplate running a 100-mile race, is probably the top ultramarathon runner in the world. He has done things in the past like run 10 consecutive marathons in one outing. His current goal is to run 326.2 miles (that's 300 miles, plus a marathon thrown in) without stopping to sleep.

He's a top athlete, an author, a successful businessman, a philanthropist, and a devoted family man. Is there anything that Dean Karnazes doesn't do well? Apparently, yes!

"So, Jay," I says to Jay, remembering that he had seen Mr. Karnazes at a speaking event earlier that week, "How was Dean?"

"Well! I'll say this. Mike, you are funnier than Dean Karnazes." Jay went on to explain that Dean lacked both good material and a snappy delivery.

Did you catch that? I'm funnier than a man whose idea of a good time is to spend an entire weekend running.

TAKE THAT, DEAN KARNAZES, YOU WORTHLESS BASTARD! I OWN YOU!