I sat down in an empty chair next to our corporate lawyer, Thomas, and asked for a favor.
"Thomas!" I whispered, "I have ONE GOAL for this session and that's to keep my mouth shut the whole time. Don't let me say ANYTHING. If you see me even begin to look like I'm thinking about uttering syllables, just elbow me, ok?"
Thomas laughed nervously. He doesn't really get me.
"Seriously, Thomas, you don't know how tough it's going to be for me not to make smartass comments during this!"
Just then another coworker, David, sat down.
"Oooh! I want to sit by Mike during this. Should liven things up!" he said gleefully.
I explained to David that I was going to be silent for the next two hours. No puns, no repartee, no smart-alecry. No sexual comments. No masturbatory gestures. No "that's what she said"
Just then the VP of Human Resources stood up.
"Thank you all for coming!" she announced.
I clamped my mouth shut. Two hours to go.