Monday, June 11, 2012

Today at work the Human Resources department hosted a two-hour meeting to teach us all about sexual harassment (more of a "Don't" than a "How To").

I sat down in an empty chair next to our corporate lawyer, Thomas, and asked for a favor.

"Thomas!" I whispered, "I have ONE GOAL for this session and that's to keep my mouth shut the whole time.  Don't let me say ANYTHING.  If you see me even begin to look like I'm thinking about uttering syllables, just elbow me, ok?"

Thomas laughed nervously.  He doesn't really get me.

"Seriously, Thomas, you don't know how tough it's going to be for me not to make smartass comments during this!"

Just then another coworker, David, sat down.

"Oooh! I want to sit by Mike during this.  Should liven things up!" he said gleefully.

I explained to David that I was going to be silent for the next two hours.  No puns, no repartee, no smart-alecry.  No sexual comments.  No masturbatory gestures.  No "that's what she said"

Just then the VP of Human Resources stood up.

"Thank you all for coming!" she announced.

I clamped my mouth shut.  Two hours to go.


patsy said...

where I worked when I worked showed thoes sexual harassment films when i was there. last year i heard the mother of all harassment story at Tyson.
The plant manager started harassing the mexican woman, seems he harassed her so much she was with child. This worked out pretty good he thought because she had a husband and she may have been an Illigal so all was well until the baby showed up as pure white snow and since wife and hubby both were sort of brown hubby demanded to know who harassed his wife she told him the big man at the work place.
He went to the plant and entered the main office demaned to know where Mr. big's office was.
some helpful person showed him the way to mr. Big's office and a fight happened. The law was called and all was out in the open air.
Mr. Big no longer works for the company and now the helpful person who showed the husband the office of Mr Big now has his job.
so the harassment film had to be up dated to included a part about birth control.

Stacey said...

I admire your fortitude... I wouldn't have been able to resist snickering aloud right at the onset.

Eponymous Pseudonym said...

Hey Mike, I'm still waiting to find out how this blog ends. And what it all means. Are you working on a final post? An epilogue? Or a sequel?

Mike said...

Hi Eponymous Pseudonym! Sorry, just got distracted for a few years. All good now!