Jesus, I suck at this. Here's all I got.
The day before Thanksgiving break, I chatted with a few co-workers about their Thanksgiving plans. When they asked about my plans, I shared with them that I'd be taking Wednesday afternoon off from work so that I could clean up after Hank and Daisy's epic pie-making effort, which would undoubtedly cover the entire kitchen with flour. I phrased it unfortunately.
Me: Well, I think I'll be spending the afternoon deflouring the countertops.
Confused Coworker: Deflowering your countertops? Uhhhhhhh, I don't think you know what that word means.
Me: What?.... Oh, no! Jesus, I am NOT going to be having sex with the countertops!
I am not respected at my job.