Friday, January 22, 2010

At the lunch table the other day, my coworker Raymond, who appears to be a fairly heterosexual guy, mentioned his "List", which referred to his list of men that he'd be willing to have sex with. Apparently he had revealed the members of his list sometime in the past when I wasn't around, and he was unwilling to do so again.

Liz decided to give him a little grief:

Liz: So, you don't want us making fun of the people on your list? Ridiculing George Clooney? Hmmmm?
Raymond: Apparently you don't remember who's on my list.
Liz: Oh... wait... I DO remember. Edward James Olmos!!

I stopped in mid-chew and began to laugh uncontrollably. I laughed and laughed and laughed until I wept. After about 30 seconds, I caught some air and managed to utter, "Edward James Olmos? Nice choice."

Then I convulsed back into laughter and was out of commission for another 30 seconds or so. Tears were streaming down my face. This was maybe the funniest thing I had ever heard while not on drugs.

Let me stop at this point and say that I think making such a list is a worthy exercise. I'm not eager to start grabbing all the peen I can get, but there are some pretty handsome dudes out there. George Clooney, for example, is a pretty defensible choice to be on anybody's list.

Edward James Olmos, however.... Here's a picture of him:

Ok, ok. Maybe you're thinking that he was a hotter man in his youth. Here's a picture of him from the 80s:

Uhhhh, I have no idea what would make a dude put him on his list. I guess if you've got a gravitas fetish, or maybe a facial-crater fetish. Unreal.

Who's on my list? I'm not sure. Although I do think that George Clooney is dreamy, I'm not really interested in his penis. I guess if I had to start populating my list, I'd start with the tiniest dudes possible. The less penis the better. So, uh, the first guy would probably be....

Peter Dinklage, the dude on the right.


Velvet Sacks said...

I guess there really is no accounting for taste. A guy I used to work with said his wife confessed to having had an erotic dream about Mr. Rogers.

Mike said...

Wow, Edward James Olmos vs Mr. Rogers. I guess I'd say that Mr. Rogers is more attractive, but Mr. Olmos is sexier. I feel dirty even just typing that sentence.

carey said...

Well, he IS the right height for what matters. Good choice, Mike.

Mike said...

Carey, you've thought this through. I'm just going to defer to you for the rest of my list.