Monday, October 05, 2009

My wife, Hank, left town yesterday for 5 days to be with her mom and step-dad while he undergoes brain surgery. Obviously, the family is pretty worried. Although everyone is trying to keep a positive attitude and hope for the best, there's a lot of unspoken concern. No one really believes that I can successfully keep Daisy alive and fed for 5 days. Including me.

Ok, I'm joking here. Clearly I wouldn't let my wife leave for a trip without making sure that we were covered in the food department.

"Don't go!!" I howled, "We can't possibily survive that many days without you! We'll die without food!"

"Oh, you'll be fine," my wife assured me, "Humans can easily go 5 days without eating. Just drink some water."

So, there! Plan A was all set. Drink water. Daisy, however, was not a big fan of Plan A. She urged me to try and make some meals in Hank's absence. Cooking isn't really one of my core competencies, but, what the hell! I was willing to give this the ol' college try, which as I recall involves smoking pot and then eating slices of pizza topped with Hershey's Kisses. Sadly, society frowns upon feeding a 10 year-old a similar menu. :(

So, on Sunday morning, after dropping Hank off at the airport, Daisy and I sat down to plan a menu.

"Daddy? You can make spaghetti, right?"

"Spaghetti? Yes! I can make spaghetti! The secret ingredient is sauce from a jar! Shhh!"

And we were off. So, Dinner 1 was spaghetti with meat sauce and Hank's Famous Roasted Brussels Sprouts (which I burned the hell out of). Dinner 2 was going to be frozen potstickers (hopefully unfrozen by meal time). Dinners 3 and 4.... uh.... take out! Wooo!

"Oh, I know what we can make for the last night, Daddy! Shepherd's pie!"

"What? Shepherd's pie? No. Jesus, Daisy. I have no idea how to make that. How about eggs?"

"Daddy, I'm allergic to eggs. Look, can you make mashed potatoes?"


"Can you cut up a potato and heat it up?" she asked?

"Yes! That I can do!"

"Can you cook ground beef!"

"Yes! I can do that too!"

"Can you add corn?"

"This sounds terrible, but, yes, I can also add corn."

Apparently this monstrosity is called Shepherd's Pie and apparently I'm making it on Wednesday night. I predict a large pot of lumpy potatos over oversalted beef and frozen (unfrozen by meal time) corn. Gack.

I'm going to buy some eggs just in case.


nrd2 said...

ya might as well go all out and have peanut butter toast, too!

Lola said...

You can dissolve sugar in the water, then you'll get some energy for your 5 days without eating.

That shepherd's pie sounds horrible, but after 4 food-free days even I might eat it.

p.s. don't feed Daisy eggs, because Hank will be very cross when she gets back.

Portlander said...

What ever happened to Kansas City Chicken??

Mike said...

Nrd2, no kidding. Peanut butter toast, with a side of eggs and a big glass of milk.

Lola, the shepherd's pie was better than I had feared, although the beef broth I added to the beef made it a bit salty.

Portlander, where were you when we were planning the menu? KC Chicken is a classic! I assume you make it for your family.

nrd2 said...

um, what is kansas city chicken?

Mike said...

Nrd2, Kansas City Chicken is what Portlander and I used to make for dinner when we roomed together one summer during college. The official recipe is:

1) Microwave some chicken breasts from Costco

2) Cover with a layer of KC Barbecue Sauce from Costco.

3) Enjoy!