My wife, Hank, left town yesterday for 5 days to be with her mom and step-dad while he undergoes brain surgery. Obviously, the family is pretty worried. Although everyone is trying to keep a positive attitude and hope for the best, there's a lot of unspoken concern. No one really believes that I can successfully keep Daisy alive and fed for 5 days. Including me.
Ok, I'm joking here. Clearly I wouldn't let my wife leave for a trip without making sure that we were covered in the food department.
"Don't go!!" I howled, "We can't possibily survive that many days without you! We'll die without food!"
"Oh, you'll be fine," my wife assured me, "Humans can easily go 5 days without eating. Just drink some water."
So, there! Plan A was all set. Drink water. Daisy, however, was not a big fan of Plan A. She urged me to try and make some meals in Hank's absence. Cooking isn't really one of my core competencies, but, what the hell! I was willing to give this the ol' college try, which as I recall involves smoking pot and then eating slices of pizza topped with Hershey's Kisses. Sadly, society frowns upon feeding a 10 year-old a similar menu. :(
So, on Sunday morning, after dropping Hank off at the airport, Daisy and I sat down to plan a menu.
"Daddy? You can make spaghetti, right?"
"Spaghetti? Yes! I can make spaghetti! The secret ingredient is sauce from a jar! Shhh!"
And we were off. So, Dinner 1 was spaghetti with meat sauce and Hank's Famous Roasted Brussels Sprouts (which I burned the hell out of). Dinner 2 was going to be frozen potstickers (hopefully unfrozen by meal time). Dinners 3 and 4.... uh.... take out! Wooo!
"Oh, I know what we can make for the last night, Daddy! Shepherd's pie!"
"What? Shepherd's pie? No. Jesus, Daisy. I have no idea how to make that. How about eggs?"
"Daddy, I'm allergic to eggs. Look, can you make mashed potatoes?"
"Can you cut up a potato and heat it up?" she asked?
"Yes! That I can do!"
"Can you cook ground beef!"
"Yes! I can do that too!"
"Can you add corn?"
"This sounds terrible, but, yes, I can also add corn."
Apparently this monstrosity is called Shepherd's Pie and apparently I'm making it on Wednesday night. I predict a large pot of lumpy potatos over oversalted beef and frozen (unfrozen by meal time) corn. Gack.
I'm going to buy some eggs just in case.