Monday, September 28, 2009

My gaydar is really good.

I know everyone says that, and there's little reason to believe that a generally socially inept computer programmer can have an above average gaydar, but you're just going to have to believe me that for some strange reason, this is an area where I demonstrate competence. I don't know whether it's the voice, the mannerisms, where their eyes track, or what's left unsaid, but I have a decent level of accuracy in determining gayness.

My lezdar, however, is abysmal.

I don't know why this is. I live in an environment with an above-average density of lesbian women, but I'm still just terrible at guessing who is heterosexual and who isn't. I can't tell the I-have-short-hair-because-I'm-a-lesbian woman from the I-have-short-hair-because-I'm-a-no-nonsense woman, and don't even start me on lipstick lesbians. They're impenetrable in all ways to me.

Here's my best theory on the difference.

With gay men, there's the merest hint of flirtation, and at least an instant of a moment where the guy is deciding whether I'm someone he'd like to sleep with. Obviously once I start talking, or when they get a good look at me, they quickly realize that I'm not the droid they're looking for, but that previous millisecond of wondering is often enough to out them.

Women, however, straight or not, do not require that millisecond.

5 comments:

The 4th Sister said...

You are just too much....I have a feeling your wife is very pretty and very smart....do you ever wonder why she keeps you around...and 2 posts in 2 days...how lucky am I...

tinyhands said...

I think your lez theory might be a bit backwards, or at least as how applies to me. As a guy, I'm constantly evaluating who I want to sleep with, which is a very large number of women. But I cannot always tell the difference between a woman who doesn't sleep with any guy versus the majority of ordinary women who don't want to sleep with me. Thus, lezdar is just a myth.

Mike said...

4th Sister, you're right on all counts (except the part about my posts making you lucky).

Tiny, I think we're saying the same thing, but I just said it poorly. What I was trying to say is that moment when someone is checking you out gives a lot of information, and I never see women doing that to me, so there's no info there.

Avery Gray said...

Don't feel bad--my gaydar is abysmal. I didn't even know that my high school boyfriend was gay until he found me recently on Facebook. And he's textbook gay, so I have no excuse.

And, just so you know, just because we don't leer doesn't mean we're not checking you out. Your gender just needs to learn subtlety.

Mike said...

Even I knew your highschool boyfriend was gay.