The phrase "sleeping like a baby", of which I have spoken often, infuriates me.
It is maybe the cruelest phrase in the English language. Although the words evoke images of angelic newborns blissfully slumbering while dreaming of giggles and kisses, the reality is that the sleeping pattern of babies more closely resembles sadism than anything else. Generally speaking (yes, I know every baby is different like goddamn snowflakes), babies wake up many times during the night and they take these frequent opportunities to engage in their favorite hobby: screaming.
The next time you want to describe someone who is sleeping deeply and peacefully, I suggest using the phrase "sleeping like a drunkard" or "Pappy lived a rich and full life, but now he's dead."
My point here is that we just bought a new PC. Although years ago I swore I'd never buy another Windows box, we did just pull the trigger and buy another one of these bloated monstrosities. I'm now the owner of Vista box that barrages me with constant reminders about virus scanners and software updates. It's relentlessly annoying, but it runs some software that we need to run, and we already have a good Mac in the house.
On the list of defects this computer has, RIGHT OUT OF THE BOX, is that each time I'm done with it, and I put it into sleep mode, that lasts about 20 minutes and then the infernal machine just freaking wakes up. I come downstairs in the morning, and the monitor is blazing away with the computer eager to show me the latest security warning. My computer sleeps like a goddamn baby.
I have not yet tried jiggling it back to sleep, or giving it a white noise machine, but I think tonight somebody is getting a benadryl.