It occurs to me that it's now 2009 (which is not a prime number, in case you were wondering (stupid 7!)), and I have not yet done any sort of 2008 wrap-up post. Let's review.
2008 kicked off with my resolution to be nicer. How did I do?
I have no idea. I think I was nicer for a while, but by the end I was probably back to my usual semi-grumpy self. If I was nicer, it was probably just because 2008 was generally better than 2007. Financially, obviously, it was a train wreck between the stock market crashing and my new-found hobby of sending thousands of dollars to undeserving corporations, but I landed an interesting job and my daughter has picked up some of my favorite parts of my sense of humor, both of which make my days, inside the house and out, more enjoyable.
I would be remiss, however, if I attempted to sum up 2008 without addressing the number one blog topic of the year. I speak, of course, of the bathroom at work.
Although my beloved peanut is long gone, the bathroom floor is a never ending series of mysteries and dramas. Pablo pointed out to me a few weeks ago that someone had left a fingernail clipping on the floor by the urinal. And a couple of staples.
Some dude is clipping his fingernails while pissing? And he's processing papers too? Removing staples and what not? No wonder that dude pisses all over the place. LISTEN UP, BATHROOM BOY, NOT EVERYONE IS GOOD AT MULTI-TASKING! FOCUS! I mean, I've seen the dudes who piss with their hands behind their heads, or jauntily atop their hips like they're Superpisser, but if you're not going to hold your penis with one of your hands, the least you could do is pay a modicum of attention to where your bodily excretions are going. There's PISS coming out of you, dude. Focus!
The damn clippings and staples have been there for weeks. One day, a particularly strong current of urine will carry them away, but for now they remain stubbornly in the floor mat.
Most importantly, what I'd like to do to wrap up 2008 is clear the name of my good friend Pablo.
Pablo, I know, and all 2 dozen of my readers should also know, that I do not believe you are the bathroom floor pisser, the bathroom peanut eater, or the bathroom unstapler/fingernail clipper. You're neater and tidier than I am outside of the bathroom, so it stands to reason that if I'm not wielding my penis like a tiny (but fierce!) fire hose, then you probably aren't either.