Daisy's sleepover party last weekend went pretty well, by which I mean that no one died on our watch. As for the kids actually sleeping? Well, not so much. One of the kids was too scared to sleep with the lights out, so the room was super-nova bright. Not ideal sleeping conditions even discounting the yammering that went on all night.
Here's what amused me most though. Some of the 9 year-old girls that Daisy invited had never met each other. The friend from piano lessons, for example, had never met Daisy's old friend from preschool. However, within 30 minutes of meeting, one accompanied the other to the bathroom. I overheard them talking on the way there. The old friend from preschool said, "Yeah, I've learned that when I'm farting a lot like this, I need to go POOP!"
And off they went.
Decades of life on this planet have taught me that women like to go to the bathroom together. I naturally assumed they spent their time in there perfuming each other and having tickle fights. I don't think that's what these kids were doing though. I think one of them was taking a smelly dump and the other one was keeping her company.
Why do you women do this? What is it about excreting waste that makes for a fun social activity? Is it a game like charades? "Sounds like...*grunt grunt* PLOP!"
In my entire life it has never occurred to me to take a buddy along to the bathroom, not when I was 5 or 25 and not when I'll be 50.
Allow me to illustrate. Last night a bunch of guys from work went out for beers. At one point, one dude went to the bathroom (alone!), came back, and we had this conversation:
Dude: That was weird.
Dude: There's a stool in the bathroom. Not like the kind of stool you poop, but like a bar stool.
Me: In the bathroom? Weird. Maybe it's the male version of the couch that they have in ladies rooms.
Dude: Yeah, but it was right in front of the urinal.
Me: Like...you're....supposed....to sit on it... while pissing?
Me: Did you?
Dude2 listened to this story.
"I'm trying it!" he exclaimed, and popped out of his seat to go check it out (alone). He came back 2 minutes later.
Me: Well? Did you sit on the stool and pee?
Dude2: I couldn't.
Me: You couldn't?
Dude2: I tried, but it was too weird. It would be like trying to take a dump at the dinner table. My brain kicked in and said "You don't pee on a stool." Too many years of conditioning against that behavior. It just wouldn't work.
Dude3 mulled this over for a bit and then launched his own investigation (alone). He returned shortly thereafter?
Me: Well? Did you sit?
Dude3: Yes. Yes, I did.
Me: How was it?
Dude3: It was fantastic.
That was all I needed to hear. I made my way to the bathroom (alone) and took the bar stool out for a spin. I wouldn't say it was fantastic, but it was something different. Probably what was most interesting was keeping the aim steady while I was giggling. I succeeded.
I think that bar will be our new after-work drinks destination. More importantly, however, did you notice what all those trips to the bathroom had in common? They were done alone! No bathroom camaraderie. No splash fights. No "oh, let me hold that for you". Just solo peeing, as God intended.