I am a terrible musician.
Ok, that's not entirely accurate. What's worse than terrible? I think maybe I'm an antimusician. That would explain the remarkable explosions that occur when I produce something musical and it comes into contact with actual music.
I have a fair amount of evidence supporting my low opinion of my musical "abilities"
1) I was kicked out of song flute chorus in 6th grade for sucking (I guess blowing would have been better)
2) My sight-singing test in Basic Musicianship 1A in college didn't go much better
3) I absolutely cannot carry a tune, to the point where I actually repel melody, regardless of whether I'm singing in the car or during my one attempt to sing a song to my wife.
So naturally this Sunday morning I found myself at the store, picking up Rock Band for the Wii on the very first day it was available. Why limit my humiliation to traditional musical venues like the shower when I can expand my inept flailings to previously competent areas like video gaming? Why not indeed.
That's why for the last few days, if you've been in the southern half of San Francisco, you may have heard some god-awful wailing. That was me "rocking out". Or maybe it was Daisy. She has, apparently, inherited my mad skills. What she lacks in polish, however, she makes up for in enthusiasm and volume.
It is just a riot. I've spent a few hours now either mangling vocals, missing percussive beats, or generally flailing on the guitar. And I've laughed a ton while doing it. My favorite moments generally involve hearing Daisy just let loose with off-key vocals on some Nirvana song she's never heard before while I'm completely missing the rhythm on the drums. It is terrifically atrocious. Occasionally Hank joins us and actually sings on key. That's fun, but definitely less hilarious.
But do I have evidence that I'm still an antimusician, capable of destruction each time I engage in this craft? Behold my latest victim: the Rock Band drumstick! Only duct tape is a force mighty enough to contain my rock 'n' roll fury.