Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I went to an event this evening and the hostess was wearing a lovely dress which showed off a bit of cleavage.

One of her good friends (and a hell of a nice guy) apologized to her for his inability to keep his eyes up at her eye level. She nodded graciously and replied that it was ok. She suggested that a lifetime of being a female had inoculated her against being offended by the semi-frequent eye-bob that men generally tend to do.

I contemplated this conversation.

My first thought was, "They know?"

I can't speak for all men, but I think I'm pretty damn good at booby sneak peeks. I try to do them when the boob-possessor isn't looking, and I keep my glances to an ephemeral little peek. I've been a breast aficionado now for more than 25 years, so I've had a lot of time to hone my skills. I'm no longer the open-mouthed gaping teenager who was stunned by his first vision of looking down a girl's shirt.

My second thought was "Do they know how hard we try NOT to look?"

I'm not sneaking peeks because it's a hobby of mine, it's because I can't not look. It's like an addiction. I mean, BREASTS! Have you seen those things? They're fantastic. If you are a woman who is showing the merest hint of cleavage and I am not looking at your breasts, it is because of the following monologue going on in my brain: "Don't look. Don't look. Jesus, do not look at her breasts. I wonder if they still look like they looked five minutes ago? Oh, man, I bet they're better. Oh, crap. Don't look. Don't look. Don'tlookdon'tlookdon'tlook." It's a constant battle.

That being said, I have two points to make:

1) If some woman that I know is reading this (including tonight's hostess, but not including Hank), I never look at YOUR breasts. I'm talking about everyone else's.

2) Don't start hiding your breasts. Just because I might want to lose a few pounds doesn't mean that I want chocolate chip cookies eradicated from the planet. Similarly, just because I might be trying to not look at your breasts, doesn't mean that I don't want to be aware of them.

10 comments:

Mya said...

Mike, it's pointless to even pretend you don't look. Utterly pointless. It's in the rules.

Mya x

loveyh said...

Mike, we know guys look. Why else do you think we wear v-neck shirts, low-cut sweaters, and scanty tees? We WANT you to look, ESPECIALLY if you're with your woman. We like to make her hit you. :)

Because we know bmake-up sex rocks.

moxey said...

Wait.

What?

You look? All guys do? Seriously? Because I've never noticed this phenomenon.

I kid. You know I kid.

Avery Gray said...

I wonder what it's like to have men NOT look.

I think I have that same dress in my closet. Just ask Lovey's husband. I made him blush.

Mike said...

Mya, there are rules? Dammit! I'm never leaving the house again.

Lovey, this conspiracy is even more complex than I imagined. Interesting.

Mox, I know you kid.

Avery, pfft, I think I made Lovey's husband blush once.

tinyhands said...

Agreed, trying REALLY hard not to look. But I still enjoy failing at that particular endeavour.

Mike said...

Tiny, well said. It's rare that failure is so rewarding.

Alexander said...

I wasn't looking at the boobs, I was looking at the part in between them.

Mike said...

Alexander, you perv!

Tasty said...

::childish giggle::