Bobby Fischer did it.
George Foreman did it.
Jay-Z did it.
Roger Clemens did it FOUR TIMES!
Now, I'm thinking about doing it.
Nearly three years ago I ran the Boston Marathon. It was the crowning achievement on a decidedly lackluster marathoning "career". When I crossed the finish line in Boston, a solitary thought stuck in my mind which would profoundly and positively affect the following years of my life.
"Never fucking again," I thought to myself, and I immediately retired from the sport of marathoning.
That well-considered and eloquently expressed sentiment turned into one of the greatest decisions of my life. I have enjoyed my retirement immensely. No 20-mile training runs. No ice baths. No staring at the staircases in my house and wondering how I'll get down them in my sore and hobbled state. Mmmmm, it's been a good three years.
This year is a little different though. This year I turn 40 years old. That means two things. First, I'm due for a mid-life crisis. Second, the qualifying time for the Boston Marathon gets easier by 5 minutes (11.45 seconds per mile!).
My first thought on the mid-life crisis was to go get a sports car or a mistress. Our house only has a 1-car garage though, so an additional vehicle would be a hassle. As for a mistress, that would be awesome, but apparently those things don't grow on trees. Being a work-at-home hermit, my mistress-meeting opportunities are rather limited. I thought about trying to have sex with the ceramic skull on my desk. I also considered the under-the-desk dust bunnies, which have a certain sexy flair.
Long story short, if you're going to screw a ceramic skull, bring lots of lube.
I analyzed what a mid-life crisis is supposed to accomplish. As near as I can tell, it's some way to throw your life into disarray. Passage into mid-life is generally accompanied by performing some sort of physically or psychologically damaging act. As much as I tried to fight and ignore the truth, for me that type of act is running a marathon.
So, there it is. Like Fischer, Clemens, Foreman and Z before me, I now unofficially come out of retirement. My plan is to run two marathons in my 40th year of life. I hope to qualify for Boston on the first one, and then run Boston on the second one.
Per my motto, however, I am prepared to give up on this idea at any time.