Monday, December 17, 2007

The birthday girl, Dani, sat across from me at the restaurant on Saturday night. She pointed at Kristi, who had organized the party.

"Kristi thinks you're gay," Dani said, raising an eyebrow at me.

Gay? Man, first I'm Bob Saget and now I'm gay. This is a tough crowd, I thought to myself.

"How can Kristi think I'm gay?" I asked, "I just met her. All I've said to her is 'Hi, I'm Mike'"

"It's not what you said tonight. It's what you said in your emails," Dani answered.

I mentally replayed my emails to Kristi. I had sent her a question about a good gift to buy Dani, and then another one asking what sort of attire would be appropriate for the restaurant (I had never been before). These were definitely "I'm a social dumbass" emails, and not "Man, I could go for a cock right about now" emails.

I mean, if I were gay, I wouldn't be asking what to wear, I'd KNOW what to wear. I'd sashay into my fabulous closet, select a fabulous ensemble, and then just be fabulous.

I spun around to face Kristi.

"Kristi! You thought I was gay?" I asked.

"What? What makes you think that?" she replied, alarmed.

"Dani told me you said that."

"DANI!" she yelped, and then went back to another conversation, shaking her head in disbelief.

So, there you have it. Some people speak gay. Others walk gay. Me? I email gay.


Avery Gray said...

I don't think you email gay. You haven't called me girlfriend once. But you do bring up the gay thing an awful lot. Sometimes I do that when I'm dropping hints. So... Anything you'd like to get off your chest?

Mike said...

You WISH I were gay! That way I wouldn't drip so much damn testosterone on your blog each time I commented.

Avery Gray said...

So it's you who's been getting testosterone all over my blog! I've been scrubbing it with Oxi Clean, but I can't get rid of the grease stains. I'm gonna have to replace the whole thing!

Mike said...

Guilty as charged. Some days (ok, most) I'm almost TOO much man.

Sorry about the blog.

Sue said...

Oh, are always good for a chuckle. Now, if I can just keep my kid from reading your blog....

Mike said...

Sue, I try to keep it clean here, but I fail too regularly for this to be a good blog for kids. It's mostly obscenity-free, but that's the best you can say for this mess.

carey said...

Wellll..."Saget" does rhyme with...and I do recall that nipple shirt you wore on your camping trip. That was kinda gay.

Mike, are you sure?

Mike said...

That wasn't a nipple shirt! And it didn't mean that I was gay. It meant that I was flabby and unmuscled.