Getting to the house on the San Juan Islands was an epic journey. I walked down to the train with my duffel bag and a backpack filled with densest things I could find in our home. I don't know what they make ceramic poker chips out of, but I think it's black holes. It was literally comically heavy. Perhaps the biggest laughs I got all weekend were when I asked someone else to pick up my backpack for me. (We'll never know whether that speaks more to the weight of the backpack or my comedic delivery.)

Anyway, I then took a train, then a bus, then a plane, then a couple of car rides. Then we slept for a few hours in a cheap hotel, then another car ride, a ferry ride, and one more car ride. We finally got to my buddy's house a couple hours ahead of schedule. The nine of us dropped our bags (mine thudded) and looked at each other.

"Beers?" asked Guy B.

It was 11:00 am.

And so it began. We cracked open our beers, toasted our arrival, and one of the guys authoritatively proclaimed "What happens in San Juan STAYS IN SAN JUAN!"

So, it is with great bravery that I break the Guy Code and tell you what happened in San Juan.

• Death defying frisbee golf!
• MLB copyright busting Wii Home Run Derbies!
• EXTREME WINE TASTING!
• Marriage vow destroying Scrabble games!
• Homo-erotic kayaking!
• All out, balls to the wall, no holds barred napping!

And about 10 poker tournaments. I guess this is what happens when your group consists of computer programmers and project managers in their 40s (one outlier in his 30s and one in his 50s). No whoring. No drugs.

Really, the only unwholesome thing we did was methodically drink through the 100 beers and 15 bottles of wine that we brought. That and frequent Would You Do conversations.

For example, Angelina Jolie was right near the top of my To Do list, but astonishingly I couldn't get consensus on her. Angelina freakin' Jolie!

On the other hand, I appeared to be the lone dissenter against Jessica Alba. Yes, she's pretty, but she has that vacant expression that is a complete turnoff. It would be like having sex with a mannequin. Also, she looks about 13.

Thankfully, violence was averted when consensus was reached on Scarlett Johansson and Halle Berry. I'm sure they're honored.