Friday, August 10, 2007

"Daddy, you should grow a beard."

I stared at her. This was maybe her worst idea yet.

First of all, I'm incapable of growing a beard in a reasonable amount of time. Although my hair is full and lush on places like my ass (Ladies, call me!), it's kind of patchy on my face. Second, I've got a few gray hairs poking out into my beard, and nothing screams "OLD MAN!" like a graying beard. Third, I haven't purposely changed anything about my appearance or wardrobe since I was old enough to dress myself. I see no reason to start now.

Basically, it would take me months to grow a respectable beard. During the interim, I'd look like a prematurely graying pubescent with horrible fashion sense.

"Ok," I replied.

It's been that kind of week. My personal projects, like the baseball program, have been going poorly. My favorite coworker, Pablo, is leaving me. I might as well grow a freaking beard.

"Whoa whoa whoa!" cried Hank. "Don't I get a say in this?"

"You've gotten a say in this for the last twelve... however long I've known you. It's Daisy's turn."

So, after 5 or 6 days, I've got this:


I know. Pathetic. That's why I've been beardless for the last several decades. Still, I may keep it around for a bit longer. On Wednesday of next week I'm departing for a long weekend with "the boys". After sitting in my mother in law's house for over a week earlier this month, I said to myself, "Self, you need a real vacation. And a crappy ass beard." So, I accepted an invitation to hang out with 9 old coworkers from Hewlett Packard, where we'll do man/geek/geezer stuff like play drunk frisbee golf for 4 days.

If I show up with the world's worst beard, at least it'll give us something to discuss.

14 comments:

nrd2 said...

oh no, pablo is leaving??? where is he going?

Mike said...

My Ex Friend Pablo is quitting our company and joining a startup. He was recruited by The Evil Liz and Larry.

newnorth said...

hahahahahahah.... I mean, Good Luck with the beard (and the frisbee)

nrd2 said...

will he still live in the neighborhood? like could you meet him for breakfast on the weekend?

Mike said...

Newnorth, thanks, but I suspect I'll lose at both those activities.

Nrd2, yes, although why would I have breakfast with my Ex Friend Pablo?

Anonymous said...

:-D Aww, I'll miss you too!

--Pablo

Mike said...

Pablo! Don't make me mist up here in my own blog!

mox said...

My husband can't grow a decent beard, either, and I sort of pretend that I hate it when he tries... but the truth is I find it kinda attractive on him.

Just sayin'...

Kat said...

Pretend you meant to go for that scruffy, rocker/teen idol look. Are sure Daisy really loves you to ask for a beard in the hot summer?

Mike said...

Mox, hmmmm, perhaps Hank doth protest too much! Dig it.

Kat, summer weather in SF is typically in the 60s, so I think I'll be ok. (Also, the political climate is like it was in the 60s too).

Alexander said...

Your growth is looking strong to very strong.

Pablo still loves you. He told me so.

Mike said...

Alexander, I fear that my beard fu is weak. However, when I shave it off (which I predict will be in a week), I'm looking forward to doing so in humorous patterns. Maybe a good pornstar/cop moustache is called for for 24 hours.

carey said...

Nah, it looks hot. Makes you look a little dangerous. Well, ok, maybe that's a stretch, but still. Maybe a little soul patch would do.

Mike said...

A soul patch? On a guy with no soul? It would be like matter meeting anti-matter. I'm not sure which one of those two I am in that analogy.