Monday, June 04, 2007

When I was a single man, I eagerly looked forward to any party as a potential opportunity to meet women. Being both socially-stunted and anti-attractive to women (repulsive is such a strong word), it hardly ever worked out for me, but there was always that one-in-a-million chance that kept me optimistic.

On Saturday night the wife and I went to a cocktail party and what kind of person did I hope to meet? Why someone to talk about baseball statistics and gambling, of course!

You see, I've been harassing everyone around me with incessant chatter about my new software program, the Baseball Predictinator 2000 (yes, a new name will be chosen). My wife and Pablo have suffered the brunt of it, but almost everyone I come in contact with has been cornered more than once.

Daisy knows to ask if the software is "rooting" for the Giants to win. Our dinner guests are nearly always "treated" to a summary of my statistical approach, and the barista at my local coffee shop came *this* close to hearing about how I just popped my linear regression cherry. So, when I heard that we were going to a party, I mentally previewed my most fascinating statistical anomaly stories (As though any of them aren't fascinating! *snort*).

So, we got to the party, mingled a bit here and there, and then eventually hunkered down in a couple of comfy chairs. Eventually one of my wife's acquaintances came and sat next to us. We chatted about our kids, and summer vacation, and blah blah blah. At one point the guy asked me what I did for a living. When I sheepishly replied that I was a computer programmer, he smiled broadly and put out his fist for fist-pump. This was NOT the response I expected, but I was encouraged.

Later the conversation somehow turned to sports and when I mentioned baseball, the guy put his hand over his heart and sighed deeply.

"The only thing I don't like about baseball," he said, "Is that they only play 162 games a year."

Hoo hoo! This guy was it! A techy who loved baseball! He was my holy grail of cocktail party conversationalists! I played my final card.

"I think one of the reasons baseball is really attractive for nerds like me because there are so many interesting numbers in the game. I really enjoy browsing the stats and analyzing the game that way," I stated charmingly, leaning forward in my chair in anticipation of his excited agreement.

My companion furrowed his brow and grimaced. "No. That's not it. I don't have any interest in that. I just like watching the games."

It's nice to see that even as I age, parties are no less disappointing. We did have a lovely consolation discussion about Armando Benitez though.


Anonymous said...

> ...about Armando...

"Ding dong the pitch'r's fled!"

Well booted really, but that didn't work.



Mike said...

Pablo, you know, the Giants bullpen has lost 2 games since booting Armando and I don't mind a bit.

Neel Mehta said...

the barista at my local coffee shop came *this* close to hearing about how I just popped my linear regression cherry.

Ah, I can remember when I lost mine... good times.

Mike said...

Those people who recommend abstinence don't know what they're missing.