Monday, November 01, 2004

Wooo! Halloween! Wooo!

Ok, Halloween wasn't so wooey. Not even wooish. Now that I have a kid, zany Halloween parties have been replaced with trick-or-treating trips around the neighborhood. It's not so bad, but it surely makes for a less interesting blog.

Years ago, back when I was single, I worked with a gal named Spring Snuffin. I use her real name here because she has such a great name. When my friends have great names, it reflects favorably upon me. *preening* Also, I was dismayed to google her name and find no results.

Anyway, one year Spring invited a bunch of us coworkers to a Halloween party. She confided to me that one of her gal friends would be attending and this gal was a nymphomaniac with a fetish for young Jewish guys. Opportunities like this don't come along very often, so, being no fool, I dressed up that year as a rabbi. I had my yamulke, the crazy sideburns, some religious looking robe-like thing, and a book called "Being a Jew." Subtlety is for chumps.

Like almost all of my "I'll surely get laid this time" schemes, this one didn't pan out. The nymphomaniac didn't show up and I was stuck doing shots with the guy dressed up as the Pope. No sex, but we were only one Mullah short of creating some serious religious harmony.

This year the Halloween festivities consisted of the family accompanying our child out for an evening of trick or treating. She was dressed as a superhero of her own creation, Spirograph Girl! Spirograph's main superpower is pattern recognition. Oh, and she flies too.

Unfortunately our little Spirograph Girl is allergic to eggs, nuts, and dairy, which means that she can't eat about 90% of her Halloween bounty. I suppose that's for the best, but it is a bit sad when your five year-old turns down offered-treats because she's allergic to them.

The other sad bit was when I received confirmation that I'm only going to be able to make my daughter laugh for another two years or so. I had asked her a few months ago what age she would be when I would no longer seem funny. "Seven", she had stated. Well, at one point during Halloween, she was on a neighbor's doorstep with a couple other kids, waiting for the door to open. It seemed like no one was home, but one kid noted that he had heard some footsteps. I then noisily stamped my feet behind them. The eldest child turned to me and rolled her eyes. "Very funny. Ha ha ha" she sarcastically barked.

"How old are you?" I asked the girl.

"Seven," she ominously replied.

Two years to go.


Zelda said...

LOL! A rabbi fetish. Interesting. Do anyone's get laid quick schemes ever really work out?

Mike said...

Good point, Zelda. Although, in my defense, I'm good at the getting laid "quick" part.

Anonymous said...

You were so fun I couldn't resist - I lied about the rabbi-loving nymph. And, if I recall... the main accessory to your costume was a book titled "What is a Jew?" which you lost during your drunken revelry with the Pope.


Mike said...

Spring! Is that you? Did you really lie about your nympho friend? Oh, man, that is tragic.