Thank you all for your advice on how I can sleep better at night. I learned the following:
- The younger generation gets their wisdom from TV commercials
- Write notes to myself (Hi Mike! Go to sleep! ps. You rock! Also, fewer exclamation marks at night!)
- Take Tylenol PM
I guess if I'm looking for rubberstamp approval for ingesting pharmaceuticals, I've come to the wrong place. From now on, I direct all my questions about drug taking to my handy rubber stamp. Helllooooo, stampy!
I am happy to report, however, that despite my lack of sleep, I'm not quite as cranky as I thought I'd be. Sure, I FEEL like throwing the cast iron pan through the window, but it's really heavy. Ok, maybe I am cranky. Cranky and weak.
Thankfully I still have telemarketers on whom I can take out my frustrations. I had this conversation yesterday:
Ring ring ring
Me: Hello! This is the part where YOU talk.
TeleM: (robotically) Hello, may I please speak to Michael Ogblay
Me: Hmmmm.... You are.
TeleM: Hi Michael, I'm calling today to conduct a survey.
Often at this point in the telemarketing conversation, they'll ask permission for my involvement in the survey. Instead, this guy charged right ahead, which I thought was rude since these things often take about 15 minutes. So, I decided to be an ass. I contemplated my strategy while he blathered on with his first question, which I didn't really hear. Unfortunately, he finished talking before I finished thinking.
TeleM: .... so, yes or no?
Me: Um.... Purple.
TeleM: (typing) And you would say....blah blah blah... strongly agree, agree, neutral, disagree, or strongly disagree?
Me: Square root of negative one.
TeleM: Ok, and how many times a month do you blah blah blah?
TeleM: And are any members of you family employed by the press or a marketing agency?
TeleM: (more typing) Alright, and blah blah blah, yes or no?
TeleM: Half? Pardon me?
Me: Half? Did I say half? Oh, that makes no sense. Sorry. Couch. My answer is couch.
TeleM: Uh.... um.... Ok, I think that wraps up our survey. Thank you for your time.
Me: You're very welcome.
I can't believe "Vishnu", "Nauseated" and an imaginary number were fine answers, but "Half" threw him for a loop. One of us was off our game.