Monday, May 01, 2006

Today was going to be a pretty good day.

First, we've got a fantastic couple that comes over every Monday morning to clean our house. Yay, stink-free house! Then, we were scheduled to bring super delicious tacos from our favorite taqueria over to our friends' house for dinner. It's a happy monthly event.

None of those things happened because it was "A Day Without Clean Houses Or Tacos". I think America learned a valuable lesson today, or at least the part of America that's forced to smell my house. Meanwhile, Hank whipped up an alternate dinner for us to eat. She called it "Immigrant Surprise". (The secret ingredient is Ecuadorans. Shhhh!)

Anyway, in honor of immigrants, I will now post an important conversation I recently had with one of my favorite immigrants, my good friend Pablo. We often debate the important issues of our time:

Me: Hank and Daisy went out for manicures and pedicures this morning. Or "manis and pedis" as they say.
Pablo: Sounds fun.
Me: I suppose. I was hoping to postpone this event in Daisy's development for another decade, but, oh well. At least I don't have to clip her nails this week now.
Pablo: You usually do that with clippers, I imagine. Nail scissors are horrible.
Me: What? You've got to be joking. Clippers are an abomination
Pablo: You are so wrong.
Me: Clippers would be good if I had 20 of them, each exactly fitted to one nail. However, since each of my nails is a slightly different size or shape, there's no one nail clipper that does the job.
Pablo: No.
Me: Yes! The problem with nail clippers is that with every cut, you leave some sharp point. You're constantly recutting, replacing one pointy part with another. It's like you can asymptotically approach a correctly cut nail, but you never make it there. You're always getting halfway closer.
Pablo: That's absurd. Scissors are horrendously hard to use. Clippers are much easier!
Me: No!
Pablo: I don't even know you.

So, as you can see, immigrants and native-born Americans still have a long way to go to find common ground. Hopefully this blog post brings us all a little closer. I'm the uniter.

14 comments:

The Tart said...

U R too much!

I had to come back & read this a second time. LOL!

Smooch,
The Tart

(See U at the Library Park... come on over to see what I mean.)

Mike said...

If I'm too much, it's only because I've had a lot of cake this week.

Anonymous said...

Nails are curved in two (count 'em!) more or less orthogonal axes. Most clippers are too, so there's no whacky pulling or strains on the nail when the (instant) cut takes place. Compare this with a straight edged scissor which has to tug strangely at the nail, and be guided around a curve. Yuk. Ok you can get curved nail scissors too - if you are using those then there's hope for reconciliation here.

--Pablo

Mike said...

Oh, bring it on, Pablo!

First, as for your "instant" cut, that's one of the problems. 9 times out of 10, you've either chosen a location that still leaves dead nail there, or you've cut too deep and it HURTS (ask my daughter about that). Nail scissors don't have that problem. As you lovingly guide the scissors around the nail, you can easily adjust if you've initially chosen a location that cuts too deep. Elegant!

Furthermore, of course I use curved nail scissors, but you still have to guide it around. There is no "whacky pulling" though. You were assuming I was using giant paper cutting scissors?

Anonymous said...

I guess we have different skillsets here. I'll concede that my main reason for disliking scissors could be said to amount to incompetence: I simply can't do a decently controlled cut with my left hand. The clippers have the advantage of requiring far less dexterity. "Lovingly guided"... nice.

--Pablo

Mike said...

Pablo, I'm coming over for a hug.

Janelle Renee said...

I'm a clipper user. For the sharp pointing remnants I use what some people call a "nail file". Crazy!

But for daughters and other small cute people, I agree with you. The small curved nail scissors are gentler. (Plus the risk of eye injury from flying clippings is reduced significantly.)

The Tart said...

Good grief ... all this talk of nail clipping is making me sleepy, nap time or manicure time, hmmm both the same. Wonder what time Mikey's trim & cut opens?

Or shall I go to Pablo's snip & slice? Sheesh, maybe the nap is best. ; )

Smooch,
The Tart

Mike said...

jr, don't get me started on nail files. They are like miniature chalkboards for people to scrape their nails on. I'm wriggling uncomfortably in my seat merely typing about them.

Jocelyn, the line in the sand has been drawn. You're either with me or with Pablo.

Janelle Renee said...

First you claim to be the "uniter" and now you're drawing lines in the sand. I'm starting to get the creeps. Who are you? W?

Janelle Renee said...

OOoooo... I left the comment page open, and check out this word verification word:

cuyppa

I'm sure there's a Mexican cuppa joke in here somewhere. Maybe Tart or Pablo can help me out here.

Mike said...

jr, have you ever seen W and me in the same room at the same time? Hmmmm?

And don't count on Pablo for much advice on the cuyppa thing. His "Mexican" isn't as good as you'd think.

The Tart said...

Cuppa strikes again! Bet there are nail clippings in the cuppa. Neat & tidy Miss Daisy clippings.

The Sand, W don't U start with me! I think Mikey is W, cuz TH says he dreams of W & that they are friends ... so Mikey & TH are friends = Cuppa is W!

JR did that help?

Smooch,
The Tart

BTW, Larkin update W! ; )

Mike said...

Jocelyn, there is no Larkin update. He doesn't start for a couple weeks.