I'm a pretty horrible leader. I'm not good at making decisions and my people-skills are suspect. If you were, for example, putting together a Board of Directors for something, I'm the last person you'd want to invite.
That being said, I just got placed on the Board of Directors for the Parent Teacher Assocation for Daisy's school. Hah! Joke's on them!
You see, a couple weeks ago a woman from the PTA, whom I've spoken to in the past for about 30 seconds, called. Sadly, I answered the phone.
PTA Person: Hi Mike. I'm calling because we have an opening on the PTA Board that we're trying to fill and we were thinking that Hank...or you, would be a great fit.
Me: Ha ha. I know you guys just want Hank. I'm not offended.
PTA Person: No. That's not true. Someone had suggested Hank and then...uh, I said that you would be good too.
Me: That's very kind. *coughbullshit* We'll get back to you.
I discussed the phone call with Hank later that evening. We both agreed that her plate was full and that she already did a lot of volunteering for Daisy's school. The lack of fullness on my plate, however, was conspicuous. Hank gently suggested that I should feel free to take on this job.
Note that this flies in the face of the unwritten teamwork and division-of-labor codes in our relationship. Some aspects of division are explicit. For example, Hank does the cooking and I do the dishes. Other aspects aren't spelled out quite so clearly. Chief among those more subtle areas are the charity-giving and the time-volunteering.
One could argue that if the Christian notion of Heaven and Hell is correct, that Hank has smoothed her path upwards whereas my lazy ass will drag me down to a fiery eternity. I prefer the interpretation where our Goodness coefficient is pooled, like our finances, and I can ride her coattails to the pearly gates.
Thankfully, I'm an agnostic Jew, so I can sleep well either way. That's handy for getting me a good night's rest, but it doesn't make me feel any better about being a selfish and lazy bastard. So, after much thoughtful coin-flipping, I called back the PTA lady and agreed to join the Board.
Ladies and germs, I proudly present the next Secretary of the Board of the Parent Teacher's Association: Me! I'm the Secretary, biatch! (Note the comma)
That's Lord Secretary to you peons! BOW BEFORE MY GREAT SECRETARINESS!
This is all going to end very poorly.