Wednesday, March 22, 2006

You twisted perverts.

Let first say that I get a lot of sick bastards coming to this blog via various twisted search criteria. There are many different search combinations of Daughter Poop Panties Whoops Cheerleaders that seem to lead here. Also, there appears to be something called Blay Boy Sex that is very popular with our Arab visitors mistakenly arriving at this corner of the ogosphereblay. I'm not sure exactly what that is, but it sounds suspiciously like AMBLA.

I'm not talking to those people though. I'm talking to you other perverts. Two of you in particular. First up is the perv who got here by searching on Raisin Porn.

Raisin porn? Raisin porn?!? What the hell is that? What possible overlap could there be between sweet wholesome pornography and evil devious raisins? It's not even that you're bold enough to screw a raisin, you just get off on seeing other people do it. You are pathetic. Although this blog is the #1 result returned by MSN for Raisin Porn searches, this is no home for you. I recommend Fresno.

Next up is the would-be terrorist who is obviously crafting the most dangerous weapon ever conceived of by humankind. You seek to combine the most insipid agricultural species known to man with government regulations powerful enough to fell the mightiest of corporations. I speak, of course, of the person who searched for Sarbanes Oxalis.

Demonspeak! My wife can attest to the countless hours she has spent battling the onerous Sarbanes-Oxley requirements at her job. It has consumed and spat up entire departments of employees. Meanwhile, I have documented my endless and futile efforts against the evil and relentless Oxalis weed in my very own backyard.

But to combine those two is evil genius on a super villian level! I'm not sure you even comprehend the monstrosity that you are creating. It's appetite for financial requirements documentation will be INSATIABLE! It will destroy the corporate landscape, world-wide, leaving behind a never before seen swath of destruction and vitamin C filled stalks. Good for scurvy, but very bad for business.

I would kindly suggest that you find a more productive outlet for your criminal tendencies, like maybe fucking raisins.

16 comments:

zelda1 said...

For one moment, I thought you were talking about me. I read further and found no, it isn't me. Not that I'm in to raisin porn, or that other kind of porn or terror or what ever, but just the mention of pervert and I had a flashback to the other night when Mr. Zelda and I, well well, his knee is getting better.

The Tart said...

The bloggy world is in a STATE, this week. And now I know for sure... based on your raisin drama.

We need a special alert legend for our bloggysphere... maybe somethin related to your cuppa? I will think on it...

Raisin action, I had heard about bread... but not raisins... puzzling.

Smooch,
The Tart

BTW... I love the cartoon The Magic Bus!

Siôn said...

Raisin porn? Must be the currant craze amongst the kids.

Mike said...

Zelda1, I think you've got a sex blog in you.

Jody, is something amiss in the blogosphere? My super bloggy sense isn't tingling at all. Perhaps I'm out of touch.

Siôn, don't ever EVER make that joke again. Now I'm thinking that you're the one who did the Raisin Porn search, just so that I'd write about it and then you'd get to make that joke. That's a long way to go for a pun, mister.

Janelle Renee said...

Oh dear god! My tummy hurts from laughing so hard.

Mike said...

*curtsy*

The Tart said...

JR laughing... very good thing!

Mike...curtsy...hmmmm--that is really funny.

Smooch,
The Tart

Ps. Mike I saw your twin today at a fancy lunch spot.. same hair, same eyes, different cuppa...but he was looking at his business partner's bosom-so I knew it was U. JR are you laughing? : )

Mike said...

Jody, I can't believe you let such a handsome man get away.

Rrramone said...

Uh, I found you through Jody and JR, which is much sicker than searching for Raisin Porn. Which, by the way, sounds like a dang good breakfast cereal. Raisin Porn and sliced peaches. Mmmmmmmmmm. They're Grrrrrreaaaaaaaaaaat!

Mike said...

Rrrrrramone, at first I was ready to dismiss your breakfast suggestion, but then I realized that porn probably does have a healthy helping of fiber. Maybe you're on to something.

Badaunt said...

Porn flakes with raisins... mmmm...

Rrramone said...

Porn DOES have a healthy helping of fiber, if you have good porn. :-)

JR, are you still laughing?

Mandaliet said...

I came here by searching for raisin porn. This was based on a conversation I was having.... Anyway, I noticed that there seems to be a porn star named Sonia Raisin, so maybe that explains your other search results.

Mike said...

Mandaliet, your Sonia Raisin theory does make a hair more sense than my someone-likes-seeing-raisin-sex theory. Also, I've gotten a few more hits from "raisin porn" searches just today. Sonia must be busy.

Mandaliet said...

It looks like someone decided that the conversation that led to searching for raisin porn was worth quoting: http://www.chronarion.org/chirpy/index.cgi?id=1400

Maybe this explains your new hits.

Mike said...

Mandaliet, look at that! You're famous now!