I took Daisy to Tae Kwon Do this afternoon and there was only one other student in the class. I sat in the back of the room, in the middle of a row of tightly spaced folding chairs. The other kid's mom sat a couple chairs away. She smiled warmly at me.
"Small class today," I said, whipping out my best I-can-interact-with-humans small talk.
The woman promptly scooted over RIGHT next to me and started to gab. Although I am a poor observer, I quickly noticed a few things about her. First, she was not hideous. Second, she was sitting very close to me. Throughout the remainder of class, she stayed close, occasionally brushing against me.
Naturally, I was consumed with the possibilities. Well, not ALL the possibilities. Ok, really just one possibility. Telling my wife. I couldn't wait to get home and brag to Hank.
I tried to commit my conversation with the woman to memory so that Hank could enjoy every minute of it. Unfortunately, I was soon distracted by a couple of odors. Not only was her breath a bit stale, but she also gave off the unmistakable stink of crazy. Not completely batty, but clearly a bit off. I decided I would bury this detail in the retelling.
After dinner, I discussed the class with Hank.
"There were only two kids today in Tae Kwon Do class. Just Daisy and Tim.", I said casually.
"Yeah, small classes on Saturdays sometimes."
"I chatted quite a bit with Tim's mom." I sputtered, unable to keep a lecherous grin off my face.
"Oh? How did that go for you?" Hank asked, .01% concerned and 99.99% bemused.
"Pretty well, actually. She's a touchy-feely gal. She sat VERY close to me during class," I bragged
"But, I decided early on that I wasn't going to sleep with her."
"Well, I'm glad for you. I'd hate to see you investing all that time in a relationship only to make that decision later. That's very efficient."
"Ok, she smelled and I think she was crazy."
"Better luck next time."
I still got it.