Although my first effort at contacting people through my blog failed, I'm going to try it again. I have apologies to make and closure to seek.
1) Hey Diana Morrill! Remember me? We met through Maria Vourvoulliaiforgethername in college. For years afterwards we'd hang out on occasion and swap stories about failed relationships. I'd tell you about my girlfriends who had threeways with my friends (without me!) and you'd tell me about psycho boyfriends with guns. Where did you go? Although I don't have good ex-girlfriend stories any more, I can tell you HILARIOUS stories about how cute it is when my daughter mispronounces words. Email me for guaranteed yuks!
2) Hi Michele van Gelderen! I just want you to know that I know that it's my fault. I was a lousy friend. I'm terrible about returning calls or remembering people's birthdays or expressing basic human kindness. I hope you found excellent new friends, and not just Super Jews. You deserve it! I'm a jerk.
3) Hey Mario from Davis House. I can't remember your last name, but you lived in Davis House in Berkeley when I did (and I think in Barrington too). Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for threatening to call the police on you. Somehow, the vast vast power of being elected House Manager went to my head. I was a jerk. The next time we're at a party together, you can totally sell beer. I'll even buy one!
4) Hola Lucia from Davis House. Honest to god, I was not cheating on you the whole time during our relationship, just at the very very end. I would have broken up with you immediately at that point, but it was midterms week and all, so I waited until the end of the week because I thought that would be more considerate. That may have been poor judgement on my part. And then that day at the bar, years later, when I poured that salt in front of you, that was because I mistakenly thought that you had poured an entire cup of salt in my spaghetti that one time as retribution. See, I was riffing with you! To make peace! Jokes make everything all better, right? Anyway, I completely understand why you dumped that beer on my head. I was kind of a jerk.
Whew, it felt good to get all that off my chest.