Thursday, October 27, 2005

Went out to lunch with a few of my other coworkers today, Jay, Pablo and Cary. On the way I told them how I had managed to offend my wife this morning when I implied that she had shirked some of her motherly duties. This is, of course, a laughable thing to accuse my wife of, because when you factor in my overall helplessness as a human, she does roughly 2000% of the parenting in the house.

"Yeah, it didn't go over so well," I explained, "She told me that she looked forward to my additional leisure time now that the fantasy baseball season was over."

"Ouch!" sympathized Jay.

"Oh man!" Pablo said, wincing, "Well, that's what you get for marrying someone smart. Me? I'm gonna marry someone DUMB."

All of which brings me to my main point.

I came in 2nd in my fantasy baseball league! Out of over 66,000 teams, of which at least 100 of them were actually trying hard to win, my team came in 2nd. This means that I am some sort of baseball genius. Not the kind of baseball genius that can hit a ball with a bat, or catch a ball, or even throw a ball, but the kind that can go clicky-clicky on the computer for hours at a time. Hoo hoo!

Also, I spent an hour this morning with my daughter's first grade class. I can honestly report that American first graders are borderline brain-damaged. I hope their teacher minored in neurology or at least trepanation.

4 comments:

Jack Abrasive said...

Come on, man, this is America! (Well, where you are, it's America.) If you aren't numero uno, you're nuthin'!

Seriously, though, congrats! Second out of 66,000 -- I'm no math whiz but I think that's at least the 99th percentile.

Mmmm... trepanation. Have you ever tried autotrepanation? I recommend it. But bone saws are for wusses. Use sand paper.

Mike said...

Jack, truth be told, although I make myself out to be an expert on the matter of putting holes in my skull, I'm actually a trepanation virgin. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

aka "Jay" said...

Well, if the 1st grade teachers are at least trained in phrenology, maybe they can separate the wheat from the chaff. I'm sure Daisy is 100% wheat, so no worries there.

Cary? as in Cary Grant? You pick the best pseudonyms! (except mine of course... )

Mike said...

Jay, wooo! Daisy is wheat! Thankfully that's not a substance she's allergic to.

And, yes, it was a reference to Cary Grant. I tried to find a name that semi-uniquely referred to a handsome Hollywood actor. Nicely caught.