Tuesday, September 13, 2005

My daughter enjoys cooking projects. Although she's happy to be the chef's assistant, she prefers to be in charge and make up her own recipes. Given that her palate is unsophisticated and her cooking expertise is minimal, these concoctions are usually pretty nasty. Plus, her ingredients choices are limited. Allergies prevent her from using milk, eggs, or nuts.

"Daddy, I want to make something with eggs!" she exclaimed at the supermarket this weekend. "I know I won't be able to eat what I make, but I still want to use them."

So, I bought some eggs, and yesterday afternoon she got to work. She bounded into my office midway through her project. "Daddy! It's going to be green! I used food coloring!" And then she bounded back into the kitchen. At this point I was hoping for some sort of green eggs and ham motif, but I doubted it would be that tasty.

I came downstairs at the end of my workday just as Daisy's gourmet creation was cooling from its oven baking. It looked like a lumpy greenish-grey quiche. The color was unnatural.

"Ewwwww!" I said encouragingly, "What is it?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know."

"Is it sweet?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes! It has sugar!"

"What are those brown lumps?"


"Well, I'll try a piece," I said bravely. I cut a narrow sliver of the dense spongey matter and eyed it carefully. I spotted some stringy white slivers. "Is that coconut?" I questioned.

"Yes!" she said proudly.

Well, coconut, eggs, sugar, breadcrumbs. Those aren't terrible things, I thought to myself. Dig in!

I chomped down on a piece and was overwhelmed with salt. It was oh-my-god-the-oceans-are-drying-up-so-what-should-we-do-with-all-this-salt salty. My mouth puckered. It was more horrible than I expected. My daughter was watching me, wide-eyed and eager. She was expecting me to say something.

"This is HORRIBLE!" I lovingly intoned. "WAAAAAAY too much salt. Don't ever ever ever make this again."

Next time I'm going to forbid her from making something that she's allergic to. If she wants to make it, she has to eat some too. It's only fair. I was traumatized.


Leesa said...

Ahh..what a laugh this morning! Thanks!

Mike said...

You are welcome!