Thursday, December 16, 2004

Today we'll play a quick game of What's Creepier?

What's creepier, a plumber who shows you pictures of his naked wife or a contractor who tells you about an upcoming medical procedure on his ass?

Let's play our game! Shuffle up and deeeeeeeal!

First up, plumber guy. Creepy numerator points for:
- Pulling out a nekkid picture from his wallet of some woman he claims was his wife
- Instructing me to vote for her on some website
- Mucho plumber crack
- Sweaty

Mitigating denominator points for:
- Having hot wife

Next up, contractor dude. Creepy numerator points for:
- Telling me he won't be working on my house on Friday because he's having a "procedure" ("procedure" said with knowing male emphasis)
- Bringing up the topic again the next day to ensure that I knew this was a colonoscopy
- Telling me that he won't go into any more details, and immediately following that up by noting that the doctors will practically be sending a camera crew up his ass

Mitigating denominator points for:
- Being a nice guy

So, plumber has 4 numerator creepy points and 1 mitigating denominator point, for a creepiness quotient of FOUR!

Meanwhile, contractor has 3 numerator creepy points and 1 mitigating denominator point, for a creepiness quotient of only three.

Plumber wins today's game of What's Creepier?. Congratulations, dude. You'll be receiving a prize of Rice-a-Roni, Turtle Wax, and a firm tsk-tsking.

Some readers may wonder why these men feel compelled to share these disturbing and intimate bits of their lives with me, a virtual stranger to them. I also wonder this. Perhaps I should stop wearing my "Creep me out! Ask me How!" t-shirt.


tinyhands said...

Damn, I need to email you some pics of this rash I've got that looks like Jesus' little brother.

Mike said...

Sorry, creepy overtures only accepted from workmen in my house. I can suggest that our deck needs some work and our kitchen also needs some touching up.

amy said...

Creepy for me is the sweaty plumber. However, what is the website and can I vote too?

Mike said...

Hey Inky,

Sadly, the plumber visit was years ago and I no longer have the URL. I do recall, however, that when I went to that web page, I was unable to find his "wife". Thus, I'm only left with fond memories.