Tuesday, October 12, 2004

It has been said that I'm done blogging about the Chicago Marathon. Some folks have claimed that I vowed to never blog about it again. Lies, all of them, lies.

It occurs to me that since I accomplished my goal of qualifying for the Boston Marathon, I should give some sort of acceptance speech. Frankly, I've been jonesing to give a speech ever since I thought I'd win my runner's club award for Worst Form. I was all set to trip on my way to the podium. You can't go wrong with slapstick, my friends. That didn't work out as I anticipated though, so my speech-giving desires are still unrequited. That's just not healthy. It's like holding in farts. It can cause cancer. No lie.

So, please, allow me to give my Boston Marathon Qualification Acceptance Speech.

(throat clearing noises)
(paper rustling)
(awkward nervous pause)
(more throat clearing noises)

When I was a little boy, I had a dream of being a taxi cab driver. That didn't really pan out. Later, in my 20s, I dreamed of being a dot com millionaire. That didn't really work out either. Stupid bubble. Then, one year ago, I had a dream of qualifying for the Boston Marathon. You'd think that with a history of stupid dreams, I'd discard this one pretty quickly, but I'm not really a quick learner.

On October 10th, 2004, at 11:16am (Central Standard Time), my idiotic dream became a reality. Years of running and thousands of dollars spent on shoes, gear, clubs, and travel, culminated in a Boston-worthy run in Chicago, Illinois.

Although some people describe running as a solitary endeavor, I must admit that many people contributed to my dubious achievement.

I'd like to thank my family, especially my wife and daughter for putting up with my absences from the household. They also deserve special recognition for persevering through endless discussions of my running pace and, frankly, my sweaty stench.

I'd like to thank my friends for being supportive of my goal. I recall how humiliating it was to notify them of my first failed attempt at qualifying. Conceit and desire to look good in their eyes were quite motivational this time around.

I'd like to thank my running club, PacWest Athletics. If you had told me, years ago, that one day I'd pay money to go running, and be thankful for it, I would have laughed in your face. Then I would have meekly apologized. Anyways, I learned a lot from these guys.

I'd also like to thank the good people of Chicago for living in the flattest city in the whole damn world. You also put on a heck of a marathon and seemed pretty friendly to boot. Even your famed wind seemed to take the day off.

Finally, I'd like to thank the Academy. Note that if you could do something about getting me a job driving a taxi, I'd be eternally grateful.

(blowing kisses)

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