Sunday, November 06, 2011

Not long after the recent tsunami in Japan, which subsequently caused the Fukushima nuclear plant to leak radiation, I was contemplating the practice of renaming city streets after famous people.  Renaming a street causes all sorts of logistical havoc, so I was wondering what other ways we honor accomplished individuals.  This eventually led to a family discussion where we named all the rooms in our house after famous people who are in some way related to the activities in that room.

The kitchen?  The Alton Brown Kitchen

Upstairs bathroom?  The Albert Pujols Bathroom

Master bedroom?  The John Scalzi and Nina Totenberg Room

And because the toilet in the downstairs bathroom has a penchant for overflowing (which caused the great Poonami of 2011), we named that room Fukushima.  Obviously we need a new toilet, which is why I found Hank browsing toilet web pages yesterday, which led to this perfectly normal conversation.

Hank: What makes this difficult is the Americans with Disabilities Act.  The ADA compliant toilets are taller and I've talked to too many people who remodeled their bathroom, put in one of these ADA toilets and then ended up with various bowel issues and hemorrhoids.  It's just not natural for the body to poop while sitting so high up,  right?  So that limits which toilets...

Mike: Wait.  You have discussions with lots of people where they tell you have they hemorrhoids?

Hank: Uh..., sure.  It comes up.  So, the number of toilets which will...

Mike:  Talking about hemorrhoids "comes up"?  I don't think I have EVER discussed hemorrhoids with someone and you've had many people mention it?

Hank:  Yes, well, women talk about more things than men.

Mike:  Like hemorrhoids.

Hank:  Yes.

Mike:  Ok, so these many people who talk about their bowel issues like hemorrhoids, then they all follow up with, "and it's because of those damn ADA toilets"  This is a Thing?

Hank:  Well, they don't say that in so many words, but I piece it together.

Mike:  So, it goes like this.  They say, "Hi, Hank, I have hemorrhoids" and then you say, "Cool.  Hey, totally unrelated, have you recently remodeled part of your home and installed a toilet compliant with the Americans with Disabilities Act?"

Hank:  Sort of, yes.

Mike:  Wow.  I have learned something very unusual about you and your hemorrhoidy friends.

Hank:  Oh, you'd be surprised at the conspiracy theories I have.

It's kind of nice to have a little crazy in the marriage.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Keeping the mystery alive.

- Hank