Sunday, October 17, 2010

Last night we attended a surprise party which was planned by our friend Ming.  Ming has what appears to be a pretty severe costume disorder so we were all requested to arrive in pirate finery.  Except for Daisy's prescribed eye-patch, like all sane people, we own no pirate gear.

We also have little regard for suggested costumes.

Hank:  Well, we could go as Somali pirates.  Just strap on an AK-47.
Me:  And blackface!

We rejected that idea.

Me:  How about being software pirates?
Hank:  How do they dress?
Me:  Uh... Bit torrent t-shirts?  With thumb drives?

Two ideas down.  After a lunch's worth of discussion, Hank and I decided to be trademark pirates, the people who make cheap knock-off copies of famous brands.  We made a trip to Target for supplies and ended up with the following costumes:

  • $16 tracksuit, with gold sticker letters applied onto ass, spelling "JUICY COUTURE"
  • Ugly purse with two gold 'G' stickers in imitation of Gucci logo
  • iPhone with white iPineapple logo
  • Grey T-Shirt with hand-traced Mickey Mouse face and misspelled "MICKY MOUSE" beneath
  • Plain jeans with upside-down Levi's pocket stitching
  • Plain white sneakers with many Nike swooshes sharpied in place
  • iPhone with white iPineapple logo
Ta dah!  Knock-off logos straight off the pirate ship!  We practiced our repartee.

"Ohhhhhhhhh, THAT kind of pirate!"


"Doh!  I see!  You wanted pirate clothes and not pirated clothes!"

We strolled in, fashionably and smugly late, and were soon greeted by Ming.  "Oh!  Look!  It's, uh, Mickey Pirate!"

Turns out, if you walk into a party filled with people festively dressed as pirates, and you're dressed in a crappy Mickey Mouse t-shirt, you just basically look like an under-dressed asshole.

(And, no, the MICKY MOUSE lettering was not actually applied in mirror image, but that would have been Morton Downey Jr cool.)


Gage said...

Ha! I like your pirate ideas better!

dolface said...

No, you and Hank were right; Ming and his crew simply didn't have the intellectual capacity to appreciate the subtle genius of your costumes.

Mike said...

Thanks, Gage and Dolface. I liked the ideas better too, at least in theory. In practice, they paled next to the fancy pirates.