As I approached the yelling I saw the man standing alongside a parked SUV, pounding on the driver's door and yelling through the rolled-down window. Sitting in the driver's seat was an unhappy looking woman. It was clearly some sort of argument and the dude was pissed. He looked to be around 275 pounds, but it was all in his gut. He continued to yell and pound at the car. I slowed to a stop and stood on the other side of the street, waiting to see if the situation was escalating or calming. My brain doesn't work well during aerobic workouts, but I did make out the word "milkshake" at one point.
The woman in the car looked over at me, so I asked if she was ok. She said she was. Angry dude turned towards me at that point and we had this charming conversation:
Angry Dude: WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, ASSHOLE?!!?
Me: I'm just seeing if the lady is ok.
Angry Dude: DO YOU THINK I BEAT MY WOMAN?!? I DON'T BEAT MY WOMAN! (stepping towards me)
Me: Ok. Just calm down.
Angry Dude: YOU FUCKING CALM DOWN, YOU FUCKING NIGGER!! (heading back to SUV)
(For the record, I've been called a couple of different racial slurs in my life. I've been called a chink, maybe a spic once, and now a nigger. I don't know what's so complicated about this. I'm clearly a kike.)
Angry Dude: WHAT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY?! YOU WANT YOUR ASS KICKED?! (stepping towards me again)
Me: You are a fucking idiot.
Meanwhile, the woman in the SUV is yelling for Angry Dude to come back to the car and leave me alone. I decided this was as good as any time to jog off into the sunset.
Upon reviewing this sequence of events I came to the following conclusions:
- I did nothing to resolve the situation and probably just made the angry dude more angry
- It would have been an interesting fight between me and the angry dude. He was overweight and lumbering, so he would have had a hard time landing a punch, but if he did land one, I would have been toast.
- The set of construction workers watching the whole interaction were more likely to do some actual good than me.
Between today's event and my ongoing efforts against cat peddling supervillians, I'm fighting crime on multiple fronts! Now, I will grant you that I'm still a really crappy superhero, but do you think Superman was slinging wife-beaters into jail on his first day? Give me a little time. And maybe a cape (but not the kind that get sucked into vortexes).