Monday, July 14, 2008

So, I did something new today. I went to one of them old-fashioned... whaddaya call it... thingee with the people....

Office! I went to an office!

Today, after a mere 12 years of working at home in my little cave, I marched into a bonafide office building to start my new job. I have to tell you, it took every ounce of self restraint in my body (by which I mean one ounce) to not show up for my first day of work in my bathrobe and slippers. The allure of making a statement about my transition from work-at-home-dude by showing up in my "business suit" was nearly irresistable. Somehow, miraculously, I resisted. I showed up freshly showered, fully clothed, with my smart-ass semi-muzzled.

The environment there doesn't use offices or cubicles. Instead, folks work in open areas, with four or six desks to a room. Liz showed me to my desk.

"Do you want a book case?" she asked? "It would be a good place to store things and it sort of serves as a divider, giving you a little bit of privacy."

"Ok," I agreed, eager to replicate a tiny bit of my cave.

Liz returned a minute later, wheeling a large book case into the room.

"Um, the only one I could find also has the office liquor in it. You ok having the liquor cabinet next to your desk?" she queried.

"Sounds like home," I answered.

Anyway, there were three of us who showed up for our first day of work today (including the new CEO who works directly across from me in the same room, and who refrained from commenting on the liquor selection at my desk), so it was a pretty big day for this small software company. To celebrate, they took us all out for lunch at a more-pretentious-than-thou restaurant/spa.

I eyed the menu with caution, well aware of my emaciated table manners. I was forced to rule out all foods that would further demonstrate my inability to adhere to societal norms, including the tasty-looking prime rib and cheddar panini sandwich. With visions of cheese dripping out of my mouth, I chose the scallop risotto.

Three tasty scallops later, I left the restaurant hungry. Thanks, pretentious restaurant! Luckily, I was able to raid the snack shelf (which, oddly, does not reside in the same book case as the liquor) for an afternoon snack.

All in all the day went pretty well. I arranged my phone-less desk, installed various pieces of software, and attended meetings where I tried to stifle myself from making every possible joke that popped into my brain. It seemed inappropriate to dominate the conversation when I was the most ignorant guy in the room by several orders of magnitude. Maybe tomorrow though.


tinyhands said...

Welcome back to civilization. You're going to hate it.

Mike said...

Louie, I'm not a big fan of the commuting, but I have high hopes for the job itself.

Sue said...

Sounds like you managed to be well-behaved all day! Well done. Can't wait to hear about the adjustment to office life. No nose farting....what will you do?

Avery Gray said...

Yes, because tomorrow you will rule those suckers! Congratulations on a fine first day.

Mike said...

Sue, I can hold off on the nose-picking but the farting is going to be a problem. I wonder if I can wear special underpants for that.

Avery, thanks!

Monica said...

I just did the same thing! Started a job in an office with other adults after being a freelancer for 7 years. Best thing about the new diggs is that everyone says the f-word. A lot. My previous "office mates" pretty much stick to potty humor and gross outs, being under 9 and all. I love hearing the f-word used so freely...may get to go back to using it myself.

Mike said...

I got to use the f-word a TON in my last job, since

A) I worked at home alone
B) My boss swore like a drunken sailor (but a witty one)