An Open Letter to the upstanding beings who stole my wife's ATM card info:
I will admit that I'm impressed that you managed to get a copy of my wife's ATM card and her pin number. Hell, I don't even know her pin number. If you know any other secrets about my wife that you'd like to share, like where her goddamn G-spot is, I'm all ears.
Anyway, kudos to you for your technical wizardry. Your thievery-fu is most impressive.
If I may be so bold, however, I'd like to offer you a bit of advice. The daily withdrawal limit on my card is $400 or $500. Many ATM cards have a similar limit. So, the next time you successfully steal someone's ATM card information, and possess that information for a whopping 19 undetected days, might I suggest that you steal more than $270?
I don't mean to tell you how to do your job, and I mean no disrespect here, but I think you should aim a little higher. I realize that you used the fake card in places where the cost of living is cheaper than San Francisco, so you've maximized your buying power that way, but what's up with the two $100 withdrawals in North Carolina? I guess there's only so much you can spend on smokes, and moonshine is pretty cheap.
And the two paltry $35 purchases in Mexico? Buy the muy expensive tequila, compadre!
So, next time, go for the gold. Try withdrawing $400! EVERY DAMN DAY! I know you can do it, ya big douchebucket.