Wednesday, February 06, 2008

My New Year's Resolution (to be nicer) is hanging by a thread this week.

I did pretty well for the first 5 weeks or so. Even Hank remarked that I had been noticeably nicer. Note that this is probably a commentary on my previous level of orneriness rather that my recent level of sweetness, but that's just part of the benefit you get from setting the niceness bar so damn low.

The last few days, however, I've been under the weather. Normally that's not enough to make me cranky, but this time it's been a big drag. On Sunday morning Hank threw her back out, which has made her fairly immobile. This meant that some of the household chores that she normally would do, now fall onto my plate. The one I hate the most is cooking, and it's also one I suck at.

On Sunday night, I made fishsticks.

On Monday, I "made" burritos from the local taqueria.

On Tuesday, guilt began to overwhelm me and I pan-seared some salmon (with explicit instructions from Hank) along with steamed green beans and some brown rice.

Today, everyone was home for lunch, so I "made" some japanese food by calling the local delivery place.

Tonight, I cooked some pasta with Mike's secret special sauce (the secret is that it's from a jar! Shhhh!) along with some roasted brussels sprouts.

All this cooking made me cranky, and being cranky and sick sucked the sympathy right out of me. So, although Hank is in constant pain, and Daisy is under the weather, it's all I can do stifle the growls that are rumbling around deep in my gut (which may be due to my cooking). I'm sure they'd love to have me be all nurturing and sympathetic and crap, but that stuff is a stretch for me in a good week, and this week just not available at all. Can I order some of that to be delivered? Hello local taqueria? Amazon? www.EmotionallyAvailableMen.com ?

At least I still have my support network. I was bitching to my boss this morning about computer problems I was having. Whenever something goes awry "at" work, I like to blame our German corporate overlords.

Me: Stupid computers! I blame the Germans! These things would never happen if I worked for ESPN.com.
Boss: No kidding. Cool stuff happens to those guys.
Me: Yeah, for benefits they get Superbowl tickets and blow jobs and stuff. They probably have Blow Job Fridays!
Boss: I'm tired of Beat Off Fridays.
Me: No kidding! I'm paid too highly to waste my time managing my own penis.
Boss: Your penis is totally high maintenance!
Me: I know!
Boss: It's always "what's in it for me?"
Me: Not to mention the constant waxing, and penicures.
Boss: :)
Me: Penicures! Get it? Get it? Like pedicure! I'm writing that one down.
Boss: It's a quality joke, man!
Me: Thanks. You're very supportive.

That's the kind of emotional support my wife needs. Maybe next year's New Year's Resolution.

9 comments:

Will said...

One thing that's easy to make is frozen dumplings. You can get them in an Asian grocery store and throw them in boiling water. Stir so they don't stick to the bottom and after they all float to the top cook for a couple more minutes and strain. Dip in soy sauce with a little sesame oil.

Hope Hank feels better soon.

nrd said...

i am so glad you mentioned penicures! i was at a loss as to what to get boyfriend for valentine's day!! thank you, thank you!

Mike said...

Hi Will, we do cook up a bit batch of pot stickers every now and then but a lot of dumplings have ingredients that my daughter is allergic to (eggs and sesame being common ones), so that rules out a lot of prepared foods. I do love dumplings though.

Nrd, you are so welcome. What man wouldn't want that for Valentines Day?

missburrows said...

Ok, so you are saying that you want your penis soaked in water, trimmed and then painted? Really? You want to rethink that?

Meanwhile, Hank should see my blog for ideas to keep her happy while you are sick.

Mike said...

Miss B, the manicuring of the penis is unlike the manicuring of nails. I haven't had my penis "trimmed" since I was an infant and I don't intend to do it again.

bsouth said...

Just wanted to say "Hi, I've just found your blog and am amused and intrigued". I'm mother to two so don't have much time to read the old posts. I did a couple of pages but it's gone midnight in my world so I must depart soon.

Anyway, looking forward to reading more soon and as nrd said thanks for the top valentine's gift!!

Mike said...

Hi Barbara, thanks for stopping by and the kind words. And if your man doesn't like the penicure, please don't blame me.

Avery Gray said...

Penicures, huh? You go to a salon for that, or do you do it at home?

Mike said...

Avery, I live in San Francisco, America's top city for penicures!